coming together while falling apart

i have been showing my room all week, trying to rent it so i can be out of here within the next month. it's a weird feeling. moving...again. i should be used to this. and it's funny how life has a way of reminding you how far you've come, for example, one girl who responded to my ad. we had met up in santa cruz while i was bartending only a couple weeks before i moved to santa barbara, and once again, our paths cross as we are about to leave. in a strange way, her wanting to move into my room gave me HOPE during this hectic time because it made me feel like i was at least ahead in some respects, and it was a bittersweet finale to my time in sb. also, everyone who is looking at my room is very young, like early-20s, which is just a reminder that this town really is no place for me...AND i knew two of the girls, while my roommate knew one. another reminder that this town is too small, and it is obviously trying to push me out...for good reasons. and then there is the fact one of my roommates brought loud people in last night at 2am. i am OVER IT!!!! SO OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to make things even more uncomfortable for myself (well, this is in addition to my early morning appointment yesterday with Beverly, aka "my waxer lady"), i have decided to wipe my slate clean with this move by selling all of my furniture (which isn't much)...primarily for three reasons: 1) my moving costs will go down, and i am likely leaving the state, 2) wherever i go next, i want to "settle" and splurge on some nice furniture for once, and 3) i want to eliminate any bad energy being harbored in the furniture from my life - too many memories. thus, i put my dresser and bed onto craigslist (yup, the only two pieces of furniture i own). the dresser sold within 15 minutes. it made me sick to my stomach, which is obviously a sign of attachment to a piece of crap from ikea, or maybe to the "idea" of being settled, which i am obviously not. this morning, i got an email from someone who wants to look at my futon tomorrow. (yikes, where will i sleep?! my clothes are already in a giant suitcase.) next on the list:

• my road bike...which really is a piece of crap, but i use it to commute to school 20 miles/day. it is definitely a good training tool, and i plan to upgrade once i get a J-O-B.
  
• my cruiser bike, aka "piece of shit bike." i found it in a dumpster, or at least i inherited it from a friend who found it in a dumpster, and my reluctance in letting it go truly exemplifies the result of ultimate attachment to worthless junk, although i did use the thing for transportation for six months straight when i worked as a bartender, and now use it to get all over downtown sb - because nobody will steal it! Stew had a fit when he learned he needed to transport it from sc to sb on his Hummer. i could on and on with stories about this bike...very sad indeed to see it go.
• my pink 9'0 surfboard, my 9'2 surfboard (aka "kwazi), and my 8'0 surfboard, aka "piece of shit surfboard." no need for these guys in CO...or Reno, or wherever i end up. (Reno is a whole other story.) there is a chance i will also sell my 7'8 board, but it is gorgeous, not a single ding, and very versatile. i feel like i should keep at least one board around.
• surfboard rack for bike. can at least get $10 from this setup.
  
• my kite...for kiteboarding. it's another piece of crap i own.
• one of the most difficult things i am doing is getting rid of a number of favorite books. this is a difficult one. i will likely take them to school in a box and leave them on a table for all to have at it. might as well spread the pleasure those books have given me, yes?
  

i am going to hang onto my hardtail and full-suspension bikes, my wakeboard, and two snowboards. i already feel lighter. :) oh, and if anyone wants to take my college loan off my hands, have at it. you would REALLY be my favorite person then!

ok, now that i have completely inventoried my belongings in three paragraphs...more later when i figure out what my plans are.