desperately seeking hobbies

i walked over to the trader joe's at lake merritt today to grab some fish. i was advised during my "pulse reading" this morning at the farmers market that i need to "build up my blood" with omega-3, so i took heed and went for a walk. along the way, i stumbled upon the prop 8 opponents that have diligently occupied our street corners for the past week, but then i also noticed some different signs out there. wait, could those be...the PRO-ponents? they DO exist! (for non-cali folk, prop 8 is denying same sex couples the right to legally marry.) yes folks, the 'yes' signs and the 'no' signs were all over the place today. horns were honking. people were yelling at each other. the cops showed up. frankly, i was expecting a riot to break out. the energy was ripe for one! but something much more interesting was going on, which was my reaction to those 'yes' signs. usually i am all for other peoples' opinions and free speech and whatnot, as long as you're not hurting anyone or yourself, etc. but those people holding those 'yes' signs really upset me! they didn't piss me off as much as they truly disturbed me. (did i mention that 75% of them were under the age of 18?) these people were OOZING hatred. walking past them, i literally felt the negative vibes pinching me. it was quite frightening. so i ask them: why do you care so much what other people do with their lives? are you that bored? do you feel that allowing others to marry will diminish YOUR marriage or your parents' marriage? and then why do you care so much what other people think? that is giving someone else a lot of power over your life. why go there?

basically, i have renamed this prop the "i am bored and think your life is more interesting than mine so i am going to butt into your business and be a control freak and tell you what you can and cannot do, even if that means taking away your fundamental rights." but i don't think that would fit on one of those little signs, so maybe just "butt out."

en route

holy cow! the mini is en route. it is at this moment partying on the atlantic with "its brothers amidst buffets while adapting to its sea-legs," something like that. i am getting choked up about my little jetta. i feel like i am cheating on her. can i just keep BOTH cars???

the magical creation box

i did chop my hair. (see photo.) i love it. i feel like i can breathe and i feel less antsy...i don't want to punch something now. well, except for that coworker who called me "fuzzyhead" today.

i am currently reading one of "those" Abraham books, this one titled 'ask and it is given.' i kind of like it, and am actually buying into a lot of the content. if anything, it's helped me become more intentional and appreciative of what's going on in my life. the authors have 22 processes listed in the book to increase your vibrational energy level, which is apparently the key to attracting what you desire, which can be "anything." cool. one of the processes is called "the magical creation box," which goes like this. let's say you can have ANYTHING (which apparently, you can), and whatever it is that you want, rip a picture of it out of a magazine or write it down on a piece of paper or mentally place the damn thing into this pretty little box that you can go pick up at the local Michael's or Target or wherever. this physical affirmation tells the universe what it is that you want, and as long as you do not resist this thing or person or feeling from entering your life, as long as you expect it to come to you, it will manifest. so here's the question: what would YOU put into your magical creation box? a fast car? a new home? a fresh relationship with a hollywood hottie? a safari vacation? 10 million bucks in your bank account?! better health? new friends? world peace? what do you want? i think that is an especially tough question when you believe you will get all you ask for.

chop chop

i am getting my hair chopped tomorrow. it's been years! i used to sport the bleached white pixie, which came right before the blue-black betty page do. i think there was bright red and a little purple in the mix as well. stripes? definitely. (saved those for my college graduation, along with the frighteningly high combat boots that still hang out in my closet. total keepers.) i used to have fun with my hair. hairstyles were so spontaneous to me, they flowed with my emotions. the bank account couldn't keep up, so one would occasionally find me in front of the mirror cutting my own hair just to make it choppy. all my bath towels were stained with hair dye. my hairstyle reflected my personality "way back then." now, i sport a ponytail (or more like a bun, or a "ball" of some sort, because i'm too lazy to even pull my massive amounts of hair completely through the hairband). sure, it's convenient, but it's annoying. and boring. and TOTALLY NOT ME. and i shed everywhere. a ponytail. how sixth grade can i get?! and never mind i still look like i'm in the sixth grade. in fact, i am so bothered by this ponytail, i feel like it inhibits me. i want to throw up my arms and run around in circles and scream and hit something!!! ARGH!!!!! so tomorrow, chop chop. i cannot WAIT! i am tempted to get that pixie cut, but we'll see what i feel at the moment...

upchuck

i just learned that my new mini cooper s (yes, the "s" is mui importante) has been scheduled for production. i feel sick. this leads me investigate my inner self a bit. why do i feel like i want to throw up? (note how profound that question is.) i have wanted a new car for a while. my beloved jetta is starting fall apart, cough up her lung, burn oil and gas like there's no tomorrow (well, there won't be if we keep the republicans in office)...and we've had great adventures over the past nearly TEN years, holy crap! so yeah, a new car seems logical. and i work hard. i think i'm pretty kickass. so i deserve a new car, one i actually want, right? so i dropped the ball and went for the fun-loving enviro-friendly turbo city car. it doesn't take up much space. it doesn't use much gas. it drives like a banshee from hell. all a girl could want in here car. so why do i feel so BAD?!!!

turns out (this all became apparent to me last night while chatting it up with a dear friend about my bare walls) that i hate to spend money. i get a paycheck and it goes into savings, or my 401k, or my pension, or my mutual fund, or my IRA, or stocks...now i'm looking at CDs. and yet today, i am wearing shoes that are literally falling apart at the seams. i still wear clothing i bought when i started work at AMD. no joke! i even look for deals on my bikes, which i play with ALL THE TIME. you'd think i would at least splurge there. (and yeah, that camelback, it's going on eight years old. i did replace the bladder a few month ago, however.) so what's up with my attachment to money? is it the security? is it the fact i like to put money above THINGS? am i saving for something?

and then there is the fact that i have learned i associate bare walls in a home with poverty. this occurred to me last night when it literally flew out of my mouth that my life feels so temporary, like i am a perpetual student! i have realized it's because i don't splurge on nice things for my home. my walls are bare, which is a big one. nothing feels cozy. most of my furniture comes from ikea, a company with a mission to keep people buying crap so they make all their products disposable, i.e. TEMPORARY. no wonder i have such a hard time growing roots!

all this being said, i have decided to splurge on myself a bit. i am going to buy a sweet table lamp, a very yin, cozy table lamp. i am going to purchase one piece of expensive art that makes me feel WONDERFUL and plaster it on my living room wall so i can revel in its majestic size (if nothing else) every time i walk through my front door. i will purchase pottery for all my plants. i will buy a new pair of shoes and a new pair of jeans (to replace my favorite pair which now have holes in the knees that i refuse to throw away...well, they're going in the trash, baby!). and finally, i am going to feel GREAT about purchasing my new car.

so, back to work so i can afford to pay for all this stuff...hmm.