couch-surfing

i bid farewell to the condo. i just let it go. the moment i decided to walk, i felt better. without a doubt, i made the right decision.

the condo will now go into foreclosure. makes me wonder if the bank thinks it can get more money from auction? i will never know. DONE. move along...

i moved all of my belongings into a storage space this past weekend...and into my sister's home in carefree...and miscellaneous items are located at that same sister's condo in the city, and the other sister's home in scottsdale...it's all over phoenix. i am all over phoenix. literally. OVER phoenix.

i leave for france next wednesday. until then, i am moving from one couch to daybed to futon...to another couch/daybed/futon. i carry my sleeping bag, suitcase, work clothes (on hangers), gym bag, wetsuit, laptop, and bike in/on my car. my sisters have been kind enough to let me use their laundry machines...that was getting a little out of control. my wallet is overflowing with receipts because i eat out EVERY day (and have been since i gave up the fridge over a month ago). the mail is, once again, on vacation hold. for a month. in some ways, this is fun. it is requiring a lot of organization, but there is not a dull moment.

i am curious to see what happens when i return from france. who knows? i may not even come back!

the gypsy blood

that's what my sister calls it...'the gypsy blood.' we have it, in a philosophical sense. we like to move around, live in new places, and have the ability to up and go at a moment's notice with little attachment to our current locale. that's just the way it is. and yet, we retain roots in washington. for her, gig harbor. for me, seattle. that city will always be my "home." i often crave its coffee culture, its endless waterways, its eclectic neighborhoods, its accessible and diverse nightlife and music scene, its fantastic public transportation system, its style and bumper stickers...its access to the outdoors! i even miss the rain and the occasional freezing, crisp mornings when the blades of grass are shimmering in the sunshine. the city is magical. moving back should be a brainless decision. but then, there is a glitch. i have fallen in love with colorado for an endless number of reasons. interestingly, since moving to phoenix, i have learned that i do not miss the water so much. i prefer the mountains and yes, even the dry desert landscape. i love the smells of the earth and the wild weather. but phoenix is not for me. and yet i am glad i came here, for at least a little while. i learned a lot. i especially love that my family is here, but that is ALL that is here. another move is in order. (come on, would you really expect anything else from me?! that damn gypsy blood... :)

why am i talking crazy like this? this situation with the condo, which is still ongoing, has got me thinking about a lot about things. i have many theories, one of them being, if you are meant to have something, it will come to you. another, obstacles are a way to make you think hard about what you really want. needless to say, trying to buy this condo has presented one obstacle after another. it has been an emotional roller coaster. it has beat me down. and most importantly, it has forced me to think...probably for the first time since i moved to phoenix. a few things i have realized:

• i am comparing myself to others. i see friends who own homes, are fully established in their careers, are married, are having kids...and i actually began to feel like i had to go that route, or "keep up." but that's not ME. at least not now. i need to do my own thing, follow MY heart. and look what i get: i am living some great adventures, have the freedom to pick up and leave the country for a month without answering to anyone, to drop a job when i feel unchallenged and not have to worry about paying a mortgage, to try ANOTHER career, to move to ANOTHER city...i get to be that free spirit, gather contrast, break all the rules...just be unconventional, at times impulsive and erratic! no pressure to please anyone.
  
• and that being said, things change, including your friends. sometimes you just need to let go of certain people, especially those who fear your decisions. people enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. and all serve their purpose perfectly.
  
• the universe really does steer you right, often in mysterious ways. since moving to phoenix, nothing has been easy. i only realized yesterday, as i was riding my bike through sedona (did i pass through an energy vortex?! :), i have been unsettled since i crossed that california-arizona border back in december 2008. every aspect of my life in phoenix, with the exception of family, has been a challenge. none of it has felt right. that says something to me.

i decided to shake up the energy of the universe this morning. i applied for a couple jobs, one in denver, one in seattle. we'll see what happens...but i am not fighting any longer.

chillax

i've been so caught up with the condo movement (or lack thereof) lately that i feel like the rest of my life is passing me by unnoticed, which is unfortunate because there are so many other good, less stressful things to focus on. first of all, france is right around the corner. i leave in three weeks! i need to a swimsuit. that's all. no shots this time around, thank the big cosmic G! i like my new gym, and pay more than $100 LESS than the last gym...even though i have to bring my own towels. the little bugs in "my" kitchen are gone (but then, so is Slick, which i am very sad about). i fit into my favorite jeans once again! i have a job. i didn't get a flat tire all weekend, despite all the pointy rocks on the trail. my car is shiny...and no tickets lately. :) my family rocks...and is very generous with the use of its appliances while i have none. i have water and ac and internet. i have an address (well, an illegal one, but an address nonetheless) and a mailbox key. and no nasty gram from my prior landlord threatening a lawsuit for breaking the [nonexistent, i maintain] lease! and tomorrow, i get to model indoor vapor intrusion into a local warehouse...so freakin cool. off to slumber.

slick and the squatter

someone once said to me, 'it's a recession if someone you know loses his job, it's a depression if you lose your job.' so, what is it if you've stooped to squatting in a condo you'd like to buy? my life in a nutshell. still, no appliances, living out of boxes, mail going to the ghetto post office (which i will only go to once a week because the place is, like i said, GHETTO)...but i am getting used to this state of limbo. good or bad? i have also vowed not to put another penny into the place until it belongs to me. therefore, i will continue to listen to the annoying beeps from the fire alarm, alerting me the battery is almost out of juice, rather than put out a few bucks for a new battery. i will continue to take 'low level' baths, rather than showers, to prevent water from entering cracks in the tile and fixtures that need to be caulked. i will also stumble through the carport at night, in the dark, rather than buying new lightbulbs for the lighting fixtures. bruises abound.

really, though...how much longer can this go on?! i want a punching bag. and a mini fridge.

i simply feel defeated. sigh.

but at least i have a roommate. his name is Slick. he's a baby gecko, and he likes to run all over the place. he even greeted me when i got home last night. the place feels a little cozier with him around.