the gypsy blood

that's what my sister calls it...'the gypsy blood.' we have it, in a philosophical sense. we like to move around, live in new places, and have the ability to up and go at a moment's notice with little attachment to our current locale. that's just the way it is. and yet, we retain roots in washington. for her, gig harbor. for me, seattle. that city will always be my "home." i often crave its coffee culture, its endless waterways, its eclectic neighborhoods, its accessible and diverse nightlife and music scene, its fantastic public transportation system, its style and bumper stickers...its access to the outdoors! i even miss the rain and the occasional freezing, crisp mornings when the blades of grass are shimmering in the sunshine. the city is magical. moving back should be a brainless decision. but then, there is a glitch. i have fallen in love with colorado for an endless number of reasons. interestingly, since moving to phoenix, i have learned that i do not miss the water so much. i prefer the mountains and yes, even the dry desert landscape. i love the smells of the earth and the wild weather. but phoenix is not for me. and yet i am glad i came here, for at least a little while. i learned a lot. i especially love that my family is here, but that is ALL that is here. another move is in order. (come on, would you really expect anything else from me?! that damn gypsy blood... :)

why am i talking crazy like this? this situation with the condo, which is still ongoing, has got me thinking about a lot about things. i have many theories, one of them being, if you are meant to have something, it will come to you. another, obstacles are a way to make you think hard about what you really want. needless to say, trying to buy this condo has presented one obstacle after another. it has been an emotional roller coaster. it has beat me down. and most importantly, it has forced me to think...probably for the first time since i moved to phoenix. a few things i have realized:

• i am comparing myself to others. i see friends who own homes, are fully established in their careers, are married, are having kids...and i actually began to feel like i had to go that route, or "keep up." but that's not ME. at least not now. i need to do my own thing, follow MY heart. and look what i get: i am living some great adventures, have the freedom to pick up and leave the country for a month without answering to anyone, to drop a job when i feel unchallenged and not have to worry about paying a mortgage, to try ANOTHER career, to move to ANOTHER city...i get to be that free spirit, gather contrast, break all the rules...just be unconventional, at times impulsive and erratic! no pressure to please anyone.
  
• and that being said, things change, including your friends. sometimes you just need to let go of certain people, especially those who fear your decisions. people enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. and all serve their purpose perfectly.
  
• the universe really does steer you right, often in mysterious ways. since moving to phoenix, nothing has been easy. i only realized yesterday, as i was riding my bike through sedona (did i pass through an energy vortex?! :), i have been unsettled since i crossed that california-arizona border back in december 2008. every aspect of my life in phoenix, with the exception of family, has been a challenge. none of it has felt right. that says something to me.

i decided to shake up the energy of the universe this morning. i applied for a couple jobs, one in denver, one in seattle. we'll see what happens...but i am not fighting any longer.