my personal cartoon

my aunt told me to look at this home-buying experience like it's a cartoon. no kidding. i signed papers yesterday, but no money exchanged hands...BECAUSE NOBODY KNOWS HOW MUCH I OWE. say what? no, seriously...the realtor/lender/bank are at battle. some idiot at the bank closed the file on friday, and now his managers are playing damage control. the bank also decided NOW that they only want to pay 3% for closing costs, not 5% as originally promised. (is that legal?) further, the bank wants me to cough up the last 7 months' worth of HOA backpayments...even though i am not the owner. now, how does that work? AND they want me to pay a lien on the property for a roof assessment that was due 5/1/09...again, not the owner! amazing.

now my question is, this bank has a property just sitting there, about to go into foreclosure...and then i come along and want to buy it (after it sat on the market for eight months without a single offer). why is the bank resisting this sale so much? sniff sniff. is that...greed? could come back to bite them in the ass because i am being worn down and if they don't budge soon, i am walking. detachment is bliss. :)

so, regardless, i am sleeping there tonight since i have to pass over my keys to the apartment this afternoon. i pushed the appliance delivery to next week. (a week without a fridge...i am going to have to dig deep to remember my experiences in spain.) my belongings will remain in boxes until the sale is final. i will continue to sleep on my mattress pad. my mail is on vacation hold since i have no idea where to send it. i am having internet turned on tomorrow...for fun.

i am going to implode

again...hiccups. the docs are still being prepared. they should have been at title yesterday. the bank deadline is on thursday. the condo is sterile. the carpet was professionally cleaned. the kitchen has been painted and the grout cleaned (by the AWESOME "three bees," including my nephew who rocks the magic marker). the electric is on, in my name. appliances come in on saturday (already post-poned the date THREE times). i am being kicked out of my current pad on thursday. electric goes off there on thursday and the carpet will be cleaned...tomorrow? the internet gets transferred on thursday. i still need to submit a change-of-address form. do i get a post office box? i am living in limbo. again. i hate this.

my clean weekend

i spent this past weekend cleaning the new condo. it was ok, except for the kitchen...gross gross gross! next time i will pay someone to clean the kitchen for me. the downstairs took THREE mop jobs. i actually got blisters from mopping. in the end, everything was spic and span. the carpets, however, had to wait. the electric was not turned on, so i could not vacuum or shampoo the second floor. the BEST part of having no electric (in phoenix, no less): no AC!!! talk about misery.

here are a few "before" pics...


this is a shot of the UGLIEST fireplace i have ever seen. i already planned a demolition weekend. word on the street is this monstrosity covers up a "zen like" marble masterpiece. what was the previous owner thinking?! my realtor said she was dating a guy (a contractor) who was trying to woo her with this thing. i would have dumped him. the french doors, 14' ceiling, tile flooring (keeps things cool), and natural light sold me, however. also notice the mop. i believe you will see my blood on that thing if you look closely enough, stupid cleaning device. and get this: in those boxes back there, in the corner, is my first dining room table EVER! so excited.


next up is a shot of the stairway. i LOVE the open riser stairs. it makes the place feel really spacious, especially when you walk in the front door, and it's all kinda 80s (and we all know how i love the 80s!). eventually i am going to strip the carpet and cover the stairs with dark wood. same goes with the entire upstairs.

there is a half-bath and coat closet to the left of the front door there. the half-bath is slated to be the "goth" bathroom. :)

here are a few quick shots of the upstairs, namely the master (a "loft") and guest bedrooms, each of which has a door that leads out onto a small deck where i can drink my peet's and eat my prunes in the hot morning sun...

note: the ugly fan is out. and yes, the walls are pink. painting is on the list. the master bath is in great condition, fortunately.

now i am apologizing. we are about to enter the kitchen area...ack!


this is where most of my weekend was spent. the condo does not come with appliances. what you see are pieces of crap that do not work. i am shocked they had the oven plugged in because it is a major fire hazard. this dishwasher is a prop; it is not connected. there is water damage under the sink due to an issue with the last installed dishwasher (i presume), but that is the only thing wrong with the condo, so not a big deal. i will learn something. the cabinets are pretty standard, but in good shape. the walls need painting; there are permanent grease/food marks surrounding the oven area. countertops are "granite look." whatever. they're in good shape. the door leads to the 2-car carport (which i eventually want to turn into a garage, if the HOA will let me).

ok, time for the real nasties! ooh...ahh...

and my reaction...

rubber gloves on. and the after shots, brought to you by the domestic UNgoddess!

to be continued...

commitment...but not really

i am looking at my last posting and have to laugh...was it really march 31 when i made the offer on the condo?! well, i got it, after a FOUR MONTH struggle, but then i am typically drawn to a good challenge (check out the men i've dated. :). i officially sign papers this friday. however, it's a "sure thing" according to all parties involved (including the lender), so i already have the keys, am in the process of cleaning the place, ordered the energy star appliances (using my new home depot credit card :), bought my CFLs, bought a dining room table, etc...ah, the joys of homeownership.

now, you may be wondering why this process took so long! for starters, the condo is a short sale, and the realtor warned me right off the bat that this was going to take a while. turns out the "counter" process did not take much time at all...my offer was pretty much in line with what the bank was hoping for. the beast was securing the loan! i applied for a 5% down conventional. my prequal reflected that, everything seemed peachy, blah blah blah. when the time came to actually apply for the loan, Fannie and Freddie decided to require a minimum 10% downpayment for condos in "declining markets." phoenix is there. huh?! i could swing that, but i would not be left with enough to do the fun home improvement projects i was so looking forward to. also, in the process of calling lenders, i learned that a number of them required even MORE than 10% down in maricopa county (wells fargo wanted 35%!!!). this all led my very creative realtor to move in another direction. she decided to get the condo "spot approved," or rather, since the complex is not fha-approved, she would apply to have that single unit fha-approved, which would allow me to purchase the condo with a mere 3.5% down (yes, even that went up from 3%...this housing market is jacked, let me tell you!). it took a while, but everything panned out and i got the fha loan...and i still have a nice savings to play with.

lots of work, but the timing of my entry into the real estate market was impeccable, for a few reasons:

1) i get Obama's $8,000 tax credit, ON TOP of all the wonderful mortgage tax rebates
2) hud is planning to do away with fha spot approvals in a matter of months (and rather streamline the process for a complex to get approval)
3) i just got my raise/bonus last week (yeah, how much does my company rock? no layoffs and still passing out increases in salary...sweet!)
4) places are CHEAP!!! it's a good time to buy
5) basically, everything is on sale, including appliances and flooring
6) my current residence is going into foreclosure (which i learned a mere month after moving in...these phoenix landlords are scum), so i've been a sitting duck for six months, waiting for the place to be auctioned off, resulting in my eviction notice...this whole situation is a story in itself

now, is this condo purchase really commitment? you tell me. at my purchase price, i will be paying LESS for mortgage, insurance, taxes, and hoa than i currently pay in rent...not including maintenance costs, of course. if i decide to ditch town and head for Colorado in a couple of years, i can rent it out and profit $200 to $300 per month. i could actually do that now. this purchase is a no-brainer in my opinion.

and in the spirit of Karen's home improvement blog, i will try to dedicate space on this blog to my projects...starting with the cleaning, so stay tuned...