en route

holy cow! the mini is en route. it is at this moment partying on the atlantic with "its brothers amidst buffets while adapting to its sea-legs," something like that. i am getting choked up about my little jetta. i feel like i am cheating on her. can i just keep BOTH cars???

the magical creation box

i did chop my hair. (see photo.) i love it. i feel like i can breathe and i feel less antsy...i don't want to punch something now. well, except for that coworker who called me "fuzzyhead" today.

i am currently reading one of "those" Abraham books, this one titled 'ask and it is given.' i kind of like it, and am actually buying into a lot of the content. if anything, it's helped me become more intentional and appreciative of what's going on in my life. the authors have 22 processes listed in the book to increase your vibrational energy level, which is apparently the key to attracting what you desire, which can be "anything." cool. one of the processes is called "the magical creation box," which goes like this. let's say you can have ANYTHING (which apparently, you can), and whatever it is that you want, rip a picture of it out of a magazine or write it down on a piece of paper or mentally place the damn thing into this pretty little box that you can go pick up at the local Michael's or Target or wherever. this physical affirmation tells the universe what it is that you want, and as long as you do not resist this thing or person or feeling from entering your life, as long as you expect it to come to you, it will manifest. so here's the question: what would YOU put into your magical creation box? a fast car? a new home? a fresh relationship with a hollywood hottie? a safari vacation? 10 million bucks in your bank account?! better health? new friends? world peace? what do you want? i think that is an especially tough question when you believe you will get all you ask for.

chop chop

i am getting my hair chopped tomorrow. it's been years! i used to sport the bleached white pixie, which came right before the blue-black betty page do. i think there was bright red and a little purple in the mix as well. stripes? definitely. (saved those for my college graduation, along with the frighteningly high combat boots that still hang out in my closet. total keepers.) i used to have fun with my hair. hairstyles were so spontaneous to me, they flowed with my emotions. the bank account couldn't keep up, so one would occasionally find me in front of the mirror cutting my own hair just to make it choppy. all my bath towels were stained with hair dye. my hairstyle reflected my personality "way back then." now, i sport a ponytail (or more like a bun, or a "ball" of some sort, because i'm too lazy to even pull my massive amounts of hair completely through the hairband). sure, it's convenient, but it's annoying. and boring. and TOTALLY NOT ME. and i shed everywhere. a ponytail. how sixth grade can i get?! and never mind i still look like i'm in the sixth grade. in fact, i am so bothered by this ponytail, i feel like it inhibits me. i want to throw up my arms and run around in circles and scream and hit something!!! ARGH!!!!! so tomorrow, chop chop. i cannot WAIT! i am tempted to get that pixie cut, but we'll see what i feel at the moment...

upchuck

i just learned that my new mini cooper s (yes, the "s" is mui importante) has been scheduled for production. i feel sick. this leads me investigate my inner self a bit. why do i feel like i want to throw up? (note how profound that question is.) i have wanted a new car for a while. my beloved jetta is starting fall apart, cough up her lung, burn oil and gas like there's no tomorrow (well, there won't be if we keep the republicans in office)...and we've had great adventures over the past nearly TEN years, holy crap! so yeah, a new car seems logical. and i work hard. i think i'm pretty kickass. so i deserve a new car, one i actually want, right? so i dropped the ball and went for the fun-loving enviro-friendly turbo city car. it doesn't take up much space. it doesn't use much gas. it drives like a banshee from hell. all a girl could want in here car. so why do i feel so BAD?!!!

turns out (this all became apparent to me last night while chatting it up with a dear friend about my bare walls) that i hate to spend money. i get a paycheck and it goes into savings, or my 401k, or my pension, or my mutual fund, or my IRA, or stocks...now i'm looking at CDs. and yet today, i am wearing shoes that are literally falling apart at the seams. i still wear clothing i bought when i started work at AMD. no joke! i even look for deals on my bikes, which i play with ALL THE TIME. you'd think i would at least splurge there. (and yeah, that camelback, it's going on eight years old. i did replace the bladder a few month ago, however.) so what's up with my attachment to money? is it the security? is it the fact i like to put money above THINGS? am i saving for something?

and then there is the fact that i have learned i associate bare walls in a home with poverty. this occurred to me last night when it literally flew out of my mouth that my life feels so temporary, like i am a perpetual student! i have realized it's because i don't splurge on nice things for my home. my walls are bare, which is a big one. nothing feels cozy. most of my furniture comes from ikea, a company with a mission to keep people buying crap so they make all their products disposable, i.e. TEMPORARY. no wonder i have such a hard time growing roots!

all this being said, i have decided to splurge on myself a bit. i am going to buy a sweet table lamp, a very yin, cozy table lamp. i am going to purchase one piece of expensive art that makes me feel WONDERFUL and plaster it on my living room wall so i can revel in its majestic size (if nothing else) every time i walk through my front door. i will purchase pottery for all my plants. i will buy a new pair of shoes and a new pair of jeans (to replace my favorite pair which now have holes in the knees that i refuse to throw away...well, they're going in the trash, baby!). and finally, i am going to feel GREAT about purchasing my new car.

so, back to work so i can afford to pay for all this stuff...hmm.

crack she goes!

going on six? no, the seventh week of 60+ hour workweeks. emotionally, physically, mentally taxing field hours that seem to only dig me deeper into a hole. 12 hours of working on a sidewalk during a 90+ degree day. or possibly a musty, dark basement where you feel like a zombie when you see the light of day at dusk. today i got a break - outside work in the biting wind. (yes, believe it, i felt a "biting" wind in berkeley today. in the summer.) driller jokes always. stepped in dog poo this morning. (how i managed to get BOTH shoes, i'll never know. MAN i hate that smell!) crazies in berkeley yelling at me for closing the sidewalk. (um, to protect them maybe? and i have a friggin permit, people! oh boy, do i have permits like you wouldn't believe!!!) tenants yelling at my crew, calling us "outrageous, immoral and cruel." property management questioning whether my company truly has the environment in mind. (yeah, that one stung. wanna pay off my college loan?!) being asked to grow a third, a fourth limb is the easy task...comes behind convincing our subcontractors to redesign their toolsets. field cars breaking down. equipment not working. working multiple days to accomplish NADA. local thugs following me around the building, telling me how hot a woman in a hardhat is - "take my advice." a woman pulled her pants down and took a pee on the sidewalk yesterday. a hooker got picked up on our corner. fights break out at the donut shop across the street. daily. still haven't seen a gun...wait, that's coming. our inspector nearly got t-boned by a semi on the street two days ago.

funny. i went back to school for this.

CRACK!

i bought a mini cooper s. TURBO. red with black stripes. upgraded sound system. and it's gonna have a bike rack. :) eta november.

hopefully i get to drive it to tempe, right when it comes in...and never leave!

move over phelps

my team took first at the mtb race on saturday -- 13 8-mile laps in 12 hours. granted, there were only three teams in our division (3-rider coed), but we had two women, whereas the other two teams had two men. yeah, we rule. :) we went by the name "blind date," primarily because two of us had never met before, let alone ridden together. i suspect there will be a second date!

no real injuries that day (a broken collarbone and the usual bloody calves), but there was drama. of course, we were in humbolt county. (excuse me while i inhale.) i finished up a lap and one of the timekeepers yelled at me, "watch for the guy with a stick. he's beating on the bikers!" uh, ok! there was apparently a guy up in the redwoods who assaulted one biker, rammed his stick through the front wheel of another biker, and then whacked a search and rescue guy on the neck, who then grabbed the stick and fought back. yes!!! this crazy bum (puff puff) spent the night in the slammer (more puff puff).

so after the fact, i am still trying to decide if i actually like to race. i need to make that decision quickly because i don't half-ass things, so i either need to go big and start training hard, or just give up on the idea and get some sleep...or more likely, pull some more overtime at work. huh. maybe i should hop on the bike after all.

we start drilling on monday. it goes for three weeks straight, i.e., three weeks of hella early mornings, dealing with homeless people, nosy berkeley passersby, regulators, control freaks, disgruntled drillers, field glitches, dirt, and likely a bit of hazardous waste (the least of my concerns). i am going to be the uber grumpy girl for the upcoming month. and to think this is the project i stuck around for rather than heading off to phoenix right away. i traded in a HOT, sunny summer with my kickass family for cold coastal fog and a hella delayed drilling schedule. hurrah. hurrah. hurraaaaaaaaaah. i might as well cook.

i maintain i will crack within the next month and end up at a mini dealership. now the question is...17 or 18 inch wheels for my turbocharged little wonder?

in the void

that's where i seem to be right now. that void, that place otherwise known as "the slump" in life. the bottom of the cycle. the trough. i am working a LOT. feels like that is all i have going on in my life at the moment. i am just waiting for the magic to happen. every moment. around every corner. despite my wanting to go with this flow, i am attempting to counteract the void with some new biking adventures. i partook in a techniques training workshop put on by Luna Chix last weekend with 40 other female mountain bikers around the bay. they DO exist! ratchets, bunny hops, ascending, descending, fast cornering, tight cornering...covered it all. i made a few contacts, one of which has talked me into my first endurance mtb race. we're a team of two, riding for 12 hours through humbolt forests. and this is next weekend, so i have made an oath to myself: i will NOT work more than 40 hours this upcoming week, considering my last two fridays have ended with me arriving home from work and literally falling onto the couch, and then barely being able to run a complete lap around the lake the following weekend. (last saturday's workshop was BRUTAL.) i need my energy next weekend.

as for my transfer to phoenix, i told HR i would be ready to move in october. it would be very nice to at least be down there by thanksgiving. we are planning a trial project for me in early october, just to make sure everyone gels. hell, i may not even like that office and call the whole thing off...or at least quit, make the move, and find something else when i get down there. only time will tell. i don't want to have to quit, though. i would like to stay with this company for the long haul. last week was my first year anniversary with them. (are you impressed? AMAZED?! :)