small but scrappy: misadventures of a dreamer type

dutch tales

2011-11-12T10:56:00.001-07:00

no jail time. after sitting on hold for 1.5 hours, the jury let me off the hook, with conditions. :/

i am now in the Netherlands. i got here a week ago. i've been based in Den Bosch all week for work, with side trips to Amersfoort, Venlo, Vlissingen, and Eindhoven; but today, i made my way up to Amsterdam. it's a typical big city with lots of people (mainly stinky, young backpackers looking to get high) and smells. i got nauseous walking around...the exhaust, the pot, the general smell of a city. it is a pretty place, though, especially when you move away from the center. the architecture, the canals, and the bikes make for a pretty picture. i ventured into the red light district. nothing terribly shocking, but i had a few double-takes. in fact, kids were walking through there with their parents. i have to hand it to the Europeans...they don't shelter their offspring. i think it makes for a better prepared future.

in general, this week was great. i learned some great things from my colleagues over here. (my company is headquartered in the Netherlands.) they are working on a few "sustainability" projects that make me drool. a couple sustainable development projects are based in Venlo, where they are building a "cradle to cradle" business park and horticulture exhibition grounds (Floriade 2012). their ingenuity and freedom of thought really blows my mind. things are not perfect, of course, but they are getting damn close. i also talked with various people about their projects in energy, carbon footprinting, life-cycle analyses, and QHSE compliance, e.g., ISO 14001, OHSAS 18001. again, very cool projects, and very smart, practical people. they also have a fantastic sense of humor. i officially think my job in the U.S. sucks. i realize now that i am working on extremely boring projects. considering my company sent me to the Netherlands for knowledge transfer purposes, their plan may have backfired. ugh.

ok, so the Netherlands. of course there are a few good stories to tell ;) the people in this country are pretty cool for the most part, but they're rude. somehow, nobody moves out of the way for anybody (including pedestrians, bikes, scooters, cars, and buses...they certainly move for trains), and yet nobody runs into each other. amazing. so efficient. everyone...EVERYONE...speaks English. the country is clean. my hotel in 's-Hertogenbosch was the cleanest hotel i've ever visited. alcohol is cheap. the trains are easy and (i think) on time and fast. the food isn't so good, and it all looks weird, like every chef thinks they're an artist. unnecessary. for instance, i ordered cauliflower the other night, and instead i got some white pate-looking slab of cauliflower, like it was mashed and shaped in a tuna can. weird. at a restaurant in Eindhoven, i ordered the beef. i got a half a cow (yes, in Europe), and it was bloody. i couldn't eat it. tonight, i settled for a sandwich. i suppose i am less adventurous when it comes to food than i thought. :/

every town in this country has serious charm. well, Eindhoven less so, but it's still a great town. i visited on thursday night. the "glowfest" is happening this week. last night, it was Carnival. ok, so it was actually "November 11," which is the night they elect the town's Carnival prince, but really, it's just an excuse for the town to drink for 12 hours straight. Carnival happens in every southern dutch town, and it is pretty much equivalent to mardi gras in the U.S...just a little stranger. yes, stranger. i went into a restaurant last night and old men were sitting at tables with tubas, and they were blowing the tubas while they ate. i went to the hotel's fitness center this morning and there were remnants of a serious party up there the previous night. in the fitness room? the dutch people are relentless when it comes to Carnival. oh! and then there is "sintaklaas" or however you spell it. he is the dutch version of santa claus, but this dude runs around with black slaves...YES, black slaves...and these slaves dish out gifts to little children. seriously?! i don't think this one would fly in the U.S. and there are black people in the Netherlands, not many but there are some. i wonder what they think of this concept.

jail time

2011-11-04T07:48:00.001-07:00

one month ago, i submitted a request for postponement to jury duty because i am scheduled to spend next week in the Netherlands for work. i pulled the jury's notice of denial out of my mailbox this morning. perfect timing, as my counterparts in the Netherlands have already left work for the weekend and expect me monday morning! and of course the ticket's nonrefundable. i should be finalizing deliverables this morning, but instead i am busy writing letters, making phone calls, doing whatever it takes to make sure the jury a) doesn't expect me next week, and b) doesn't penalize me with a fine or jail time. (i believe i deserve gold stars because i am taking my democratic responsibility so seriously, right?!) get this: there are references to A.R.S. 21-334 all over the internet indicating penalties include a max $100 fine and/or up to three days in jail; however, this statute has not been added to the official A.R.S. website, so there is no "official word" on this issue. arizona is so ass backwards.

incoming! - Nederland

2011-11-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

i have failed miserably when it comes to blogging about my recent vacations (ok, so what happens on the island stays on the island!), so i'll aim for improvement on this next trip. granted, it's a work trip, but still, next week i get to work in The Netherlands. how freakin cool is that?! stay tuned...

and on that note, screw the travel theme! i hate rules, so i'm gonna break one. this blog is reopened for business, ALL business! i want to write what i want to write. AFY!

for starters, i am moving to Austin. yes, moving AGAIN! assuming i can sell my house, but i feel confident it will happen. it's such a great house. i love my house. it's the closest thing to home i've ever had and i am now experiencing the greatest detachment saga of my life! but it's all good. it's not too tough to leave Phoenix, and i have some really good things waiting for me in Texas...including a cute boy and his dog ;) it's funny to think that the most difficult task upon moving will be finding a new hairdresser. ???? fyi, i will stay with the same company. things are going pretty well there, and i think things will get better in Austin. hell, at least i'll be able to walk outside in July and August over there. SO over Phoenix. ick ick.

final update

2011-09-25T14:46:00.001-07:00

final email (#5) from 15 november 2004. this is apparently when i gave up caps...interesting.

"hola...ciao...bonjour...howdy doody doo...it´s all the same to me at this point. city after city, they´re all the same. it´s time to head home! hey, what do you know? i leave for the Bay Area in 2.5 days, not that I´m counting the seconds. really!

so, where did I last leave off? (the rubber´s burning.) oh, I landed in Rome. yes, this is where things get REALLY interesting. so, we stayed with Omar for a week. (Thank you Omar!!! we had a fantastic time with you...and thank Wolfgang again.) At least that was our intention. Omar took us on a fantastic excursion to Umbria that weekend. It was definitely a scenic and cultural highlight of the trip. Classic Italy. we saw a number of small towns all built on hills. (i think this was due to protection from invading warriors back in the day, and trust me, those steep hills were effective.) Todi, Perugia (home of the famous Baci hazelnut chocolate), Assisi (and the tomb in the Basilica, where St. Francis´ body is buried), Spoleto, Gubbio, and...ahem...NORCIA. yes, well, as a vegetarian, all I can say is, what a gorgeous mountain town but plug your nose! (Omar and X will give you a different opinion, I am sure.) so, we walk into this place and the aromas start up immediately. stuffed boars and foxes and pigs everywhere...boar skins hanging in doorways...molded pig legs and sausages, hanging in doorways, ugh!...stinky as hell cheeses everywhere covered in dirt...and the BEST, culetto, which is truly the following (those of you with sensitive stomachs, ignore this description): pig BUTT meat stuffed in a pig bladder and hung in a basement, not refrigerated, for two years to mold and ferment and do whatever the hell it does. culetto is literally translated to "lovely little buttness," and the method of production is considered "unmodern" in America. go figure! well, this culetto stuff is a delicacy. once we left Nocia, no kidding, ask the guys, the aroma kept with us for hours. the scent particles attached themselves to our nose hairs. i have to stop talking about Norcia now because I am getting queasy. anyways, the weekend we went north to Umbria there were truffle festivals taking place. Truffles are fungi that grow in the ground at certain times of the year and little pigs go out and sniff for them. Once they start digging, a specially trained dog comes and scares the little piggies away, revealing a truffle (white or black), which is an extreme delicacy in Italy, a very expensive one, approx $200 per half pound. in fact, these things are so valuable, only 100,000 or so people are registered truffle finders. we got to sample truffles, that was something special. (turns out i am not a big fan.)

after Umbria, we hung out at Omar´s, literally sat on our bums for three days glued to the TV, watching the election. (i´m not even going there in this email.) in fact, i was so much in a daze about the whole thing, i screwed up our flight date and we missed our plane back to Spain! (thanks again, Omar.) so, we were "stuck" in Rome for 3 more days, which turned out to be pretty sweet. We got to attend a house party on some Roman island in the city (only two apartments on the whole island!) hosted by a famous artist, which was neat in principle. (fyi, Omar studied the guy in school, so he was really stoked to meet him...ironically he ended up in a heated argument with the guy by the end of the night over politics and now thinks he´s and asshole, ha!) interesting people, serious darts, way too much liquor, although i was good. :) needless to say, it was an interesting night, trying to maneuver through the city with two drunk boys in arm at 5am.

so, the night of our second flight came. i was paranoid about missing it, so we gave ourselves 5 hours to get to the airport. we got on the bus, which came 45 minutes late...then there was a traffic jam, the first we experienced in the city. (X says, when it can´t happen, it does!) all this took 1.5 hours or so. finally, we got to the metro. get this: X WAS PICKPOCKETED. a clan of gypsies stole his wallet. too many details to rehash, but I saw the wallet in midair and started yelling at the guy. I grabbed one of them and rummaged through his pockets, but 4 or 5 of them ran off the metro at the next stop. we ran out after them, but with our heavy packs, we didn´t stand a chance. no police in the area, so we hunted around for the station above ground. eventually, we ran out of time, so we got back on the metro and made it to the airport with literally 10 minutes to spare. X got onto the airplane with a photocopy of his passport. hmm...don´t you love RyanAir! we got back to Barcelona sans X´s passport, CA ID, credit cards, money, etc. Everything was gone.

This pickpocketing occurred on a Saturday night. The US consulate in Barcelona was closed until Monday, which was also the date of our cruise. (oh yeah, X and I booked a Mediterranean cruise to relax the last week of our trip.) amazingly, we walked into the consulate at 9:45am that Monday, and he had a new passport by 10:15, no kidding. UNFORTUNATELY, we made the cruise. let me explain. The cruise was great. We saw Nice, Civitavecchia (the Roman port, which was cool because it had surf), Naples (yes Foster, the drivers are nuts...i got clipped by side mirrors countless times, and the heel of X´s flipflop was run over by a car as he was crossing the street!), Malta and Tunisia. Before I continue with my reasons for hating the cruise, I´ll tell you about Tunisia. It was awesome. Totally third world, but truly hilarious. We get off the boat, and are immediately attacked by taxi drivers. These guys were seriously fighting with each other, hitting each other, trying to get closest to X and me for our business, yelling out prices. We were joined by a Portuguese couple, and the four of us joined forces for a better deal. We were sold by a guy who would take us all into Tunisia City for 10 euros total (we landed in La Goulette, a 10 minute drive from the city). We all pile into his car, and the price all of a sudden went up to 10 euros EACH! we started to get out, then it went down to 12 euros total...we just got out. Then, a policeman comes over and took the guy´s number off his car, and all the cars surrounding him. He´s like, in French, these guys aren´t registered drivers. holy cow! we head back to the "registered drivers" while the "unregistered" group chases us, yelling at us, and we get into another car. This new guy offered 10 euros total outside of the car, then it went up to 12 euros in the car, so we started to get out, and he dropped down to 10 euros. My god!!! the insanity. so we finally get into Tunisia, make our way to the medina. wow. This made Morocco seem tame. The medina was so crowded with people, one couldn´t walk through it. you just went with the flow, and maybe made your way into a store of interest. (of course, bargaining in the stores is a pain in the ass.) Claudia, our new Portuguese friend, and I got groped. Greeeeeeeat. Enough said.

After a couple of hours, the rain started. (yes, this is when it gets really interesting, so keep reading.) Tunisia essentially flooded in a matter of minutes. there were huge, deep puddles everywhere. we walked by a hotel...the front was flooded, water pouring into the lobby. I have to mention this is the first rain of the year. not the cleanest water! we run over to the train...we learned about the train while in the city, only 1 euro for 4 people to La Goulette, much better than a taxi. once back in la goulette, the rains had stopped, the sun broke, everything seemed to dry up, so we walked around a bit in that small town. made our way into a farmers market. yummy. a puddle of sewer rested in front of the veggie tables, and some guy walked through it barefoot.

now, let me explain. those rains passed quickly. Claudia mentioned a lightning storm in the Mediterranean, but there were no announcements on the boat about bad weather, no warning, etc. we´re like, it´s probably short-lived, nothing to worry about. ha! (ok, here goes my anti New Flamenco cruise spiel.) we get into our cabin and watch BBC World. the weather comes on. the entire Med sea is red. huh? the boat leaves the port. everything seems fine. it´s "elegant" night, so X and I dress up, grab some drinks, check out the show on board, eat dinner, head down for bed. we start watching BBC again, and it begins. The boat starts rocking like mad. every now and then, there´s a crash. this goes on and on and on...there is still no announcement by the captain. seriously people, it gets scary, and in fact, it gets so bad, i start freaking out. things are falling all over the boat. our stuff flies all over the cabin. i did not sleep a WINK all night. X was up all night telling me everything was ok. we head into the lounge at 4:30am to get a view of the waves, and it´s dark, so we don´t get a great view. (is that good or bad?) my stomach starts up with sea-sickness. around 7am, i get some sleep for a couple of hours or so when another crash wakes me up. it´s still going! i was ill at this point, totally freaked out (i was shaking for over 12 hours), tired as hell...still, no announcement! was our captain crazy? i thought i was, so we left the room wanting to see if everyone else was taking this lightly. yeah, as X said, it was like walking into "the walking dead." we barely made our way up the rocking stairway, just as some guy ran out of the dining room, vomit pouring out of him into his hands. (sorry for that description, but it is needed for effect.) the staircases were loaded with bags, and people were using them. the illness just creeped up on you out of nowhere, and oh boy, were those bags useful! the boat was actually empty. X thought I would feel better if we sat upstairs and watched the waves. not a good idea! i never want anything to do with the sea again after this experience. the swell was huge!!! 15 feet lines coming right at us, slamming into the boat, which really wasn´t that big! (no stabilizers on the thing, it´s so old...really, the ghetto cruise!) turns out we were in the middle of a Force 10 storm. that is touching the edge of a hurricane, folks. we come to find out that 1) we weren´t supposed to leave Tunisia that night in the first place because of the storm, yet we did, and 2) a typhoon missed our boat at la goulette by a few feet...it passed right in front of our boat, tore apart a neighboring boats tie-line to the dock, and prevented another boat from docking. we finally got the announcement. the captain was changing course, and he told us to have a safe trip! huh? isn´t that, like, HIS responsibility?!!! everyone on the boat is sick, freaked out. the lounge turned into an infirmery. the entertainment show was cancelled. We heard a couple older gals paid the doctor 100 euros each to go into their room and give them sedative shots after the doors ripped off their closet. Insane...insane...insane. The storm subsided after 36 hours. I vow never to go on a cruise again. I hate the sea. I will never surf again. I hate that captain. X and I were looking at some pictures of the crew before getting off the boat, finally (8 hours behind schedule), and a picture of the captain was there. A guy walked by and commented, "cabron." yeah, that´s not a nice thing to say about someone. the funny thing was, people are supposed to leave a cruise relaxed. all the passengers walked out looking tired, pissed, haggard...the passengers waiting for the next voyage were like, what the hell happened? oh, if only they knew! the cruise from HELL!!!!!!!!!! really though, up until the storm, it was a good time. We met some great people (couldn´t meet too many peeps...we were on a Spanish-speaking cruise, after all!), including a guy our age who threw away his college degree to sing on cruise ships. We saw a few new cities. Got daily showers and lots of sleep. Spent so much time reading, I got through 4 books. Oh yes, X got food poisoning from the lasagna. That wasn´t such a great time!

so yeah, that cruise was my "relaxing" portion of the trip. we´re in barcelona now. we did the tourist thing before the cruise, saw Park Guell, the church of Sagrada Familia, the cathedral, the rambla, etc. This city is sweet. I saw a Starbucks here, actually went in to get a coffee. I threw it in the trash it was so bad compared to the coffee I´ve been drinking for two months now. anyways, we just bought train tickets back to Madrid to catch our flight out in two days. that´s right. it´s already been two months. I´m coming home...not soon enough!!! (although the way this trip has gone, I am really worried about my flight.)

signing out.

gg"

cleanliness is godliness

2011-09-25T14:33:00.003-07:00

email #4 from 29 october 2004:

"Hi all,
No chicken tales this time, sorry. Things have cleaned up a bit for X and me...somewhat, despite the continuous trails of dogpile on the sidewalks around here. (It's amazing, really.) After leaving that 4-star hotel (and German MTV featuring episode after episode of "Pimp My Ride"), we made off for El Campello, only 20km or so north of Alicante. We camped there for 4 nights, mainly because the price was right, but also because it was actually comfortable! Well, comfortable if you're used to rocks in the back all night, but X and I are at this point. Included in the price of a mere 9 euros at Camping Costa Blanca is a hot shower. Good enough! It turned out to be a humorous place. It was packed with older folk from all over Europe. They end up staying there for weeks or months at a time, and just sit around and drink wine all day, with a few breaks for riding their cruiser bicycles (those which haven't been pinched) and sunbathing sans swimming suit at the pool. It was a good time there, though. We met some really cool people, got to check out the Costa Blanca a bit more. The area is super fancy. Development is rampant, probably because of the Brits. One of the train stops on the way to El Campello is literally called "Condominia"!
We ended up spending a bit of time walking around town, when it wasn't raining. (We survived the first Costa Blanca rainstorm since February.) Lots of British influence, which was great since we didn't have to speak Spanish. X got his hamburger for two days in a row from a pub. Something I didn't understand was the number of prescription optical stores in the area. It was like Starbucks in Seattle...can't walk a few hundred feet without running into one. Do El Campello residents have bad eyesight? Is there a problem with the water? a shortage of carrots?
Note: Despite the "comforts" of El Campello, I can't say I am a fan of the tent any longer. While at the farm in Totana, I started to see it as a second home. Well, my only home at this point...but it was essentially nothing more than a bug/dirt barrier, which seemed fabulous at that time; but after El Campello, I can't stand the thing anymore. I am done pitching that tent for a year or so. Therefore, please do not send camping invites my way until Summer 2006.
After camping, we made our way up to Valencia. It's a huge town, but probably less touristy that Alicante (unless you're a serious shopper). We got in ~1pm and walked around looking for a hostal. We scored in the middle of downtown, which at first seemed great, until we actually wanted to get some sleep. Way, waaaaaay noisy. Fortunately, there was a "doner kebap" joint close to us. This place made falafel, gyros, etc. X was addicted because they made FLAT falafel, which he claims are easier to eat than the typical falafel balls. (Those of you who are familiar with X's antics/quirks may find humor in this.) He went everyday, sometimes twice. We were also close to Pans & Co., which became my favorite stop. They serve you a cafe con leche in a to-go cup, and it's bigger than your average Euro coffee. Well, I appreciated this place until I learned to defeat the general system. I have resorted to buying two cafes con leche, then pouring them into my travel mug, which allows me to tote my caffeine intake on the trains, in my room, anywhere I want. Fantastic simple pleasures!
Now, I hinted that Valencia is a great place to shop. X and I are, get this, going on a Mediterranean cruise in 1.5 weeks or so (long story), and there are a couple of super fancy dinners on board. Given that we thought New Zealand was our destination (i.e. backpacking, farming...living like animals in the woods), we didn't think to bring clothing appropriate for Spain, let alone "glamorous" dinners. We therefore have have to do a bit of shopping. Valencia seemed like a good place to start. What an experience! We ventured into a store called Stradivarius. The place was insane. Shoppers were like animals, grabbing clothing off hangers, throwing things onto the floor, yelling at fellow shoppers...the store looked like a warzone. We left. Next, we tried Zara, which had more formal clothing and really good prices. Even worse! I was looking at a pair of black pants, and this young girl came at the rack from the other side. She started to rifle through the same few hangers I was investigating, and then started to pull on the exact hanger I had my hands on. I pulled back a bit, thinking this was a mistake on her part and she'd let go. Oh no! She pulled back, I pulled harder, she pulled harder...the girl wouldn't even look at me. She was dazed, possessed! I let go and moved on. I eventually found something and went to the checkout line. It was slow moving because the gal at front was trying on a pair of shoes. Isn't this supposed to be done beforehand? Regardless, everyone in line was patient, like this was expected. Anyways, we also ventured through El Cortes Ingles (the superstore in Spain, with like 2-3 stores in each city w/in a couple blocks of each other), and a few other stores. They were all insane...I swear, at least 5x worse than Xmas shopping in America.
After 3 nights, we traveled up to Barcelona for a few hours to pick up our cruise tickets (we're in new territory now...they all speak Catalan!), then immediately hopped a train to Girona. We spent the night at the Girona Airport. There were about 20+ other "sleepers" in the place, so it seemed safe and acceptable enough. Luckily, the chairs had no armrests, which is key. We caught our flight to Rome the next morning on Ryanair (a whole other story), and tada! We're here staying with our dear friend, Omar. Yesterday we spent the day with John and Carolyn, who are in Rome for a wedding. We saw some sights, ate some really good food, and watched some TV in their accommodations for a while (Italian MTV!!!). We get to see them again today. X and I are leaving town this weekend with Omar and heading out to the Italian countryside, a means of escaping the Roman public transportation system which is so, so crowded...major headache.
That's all for now.
gg"

update

2011-09-25T14:25:00.001-07:00

email #3, dated 18 october 2004:

"Hi everyone,

Here is another quick update on things. We are now in Alicante, moving up the eastern coast of Spain. VERY nice place along el Costa Blanco. Lots of British money out here. Very Mediterranean with white sand and palm trees, big marinas with even bigger yachts. Things seem slow here. Even the fish swim more slowly, really. I highly recommend this place for a visit...or maybe it just seems so wonderful after leaving the farm? That is the problem with this trip. My impressions are affected in most situations...they are not pure feelings because I have encountered so many ups and downs during the last few weeks. Is this the way to travel?

After living for a week on the farm, both X and I were absolutely filthy (although I had a bigger problem with it). I cannot go into details or you would think I was so disgusting for putting up with such conditions that you´d never speak to me again. Let´s just say, "I was miserable." However, we did learn a bit about farming (i.e. weeding interdependence with lunar cycles, composting, sowing, conejo hunting, natural horsemanship, etc.), and I got to eat some of the best food ever. Holy cow, Siri could cook! I took notes, so I will attempt to cook up some stuff for you all when I get back. Also, our host family was incredibly nice. Our Spanish improved a bit since that was their preferred language. Because we got so dirty, and our backs were so sore from sleeping in a tent for a week (no thermarests, just lots of rocks and apparently spiders that built webs underneath my tent footprint, yuck!), we checked into a 4-star hotel in Alicante yesterday just to be sure we had clean sheets, a hot shower, and NO BUGS. (I slept for 12 hours.) Once again, I will spare you the details of just how dirty and disgusting I personally got, but after my bath in the hotel (quite possibly the most comfortable, refreshing moment in my life thus far), I left behind a thick, slimy ring of brown crap along the edges. I was so grossed out. I think I hit a low last week, cleanliness wise. I can´t stop thinking about it...I truly dreamt about being chased my bugs two nights ago. I actually developed a small case of dandruff in literally 7 days. It´s gone now, as are the fleas. :) I also got a cold. I think I am now officially a¨"priss" from America, and I love that I am what I am. God bless consistent hot showers!!! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Despite my horrors in the tent, we are attempting to find a place to camp for a few days before moving onto Barcelona. Can´t wait. I hear that city is amazing.

That is all for now. I miss you. Will write soon...

gg"

greetings from Granada!

2011-09-25T14:22:00.001-07:00

email #2, from 9 october 2004...

"Hola,

We´re now in Granada. This town is AWESOME. Not sure if it´s this way because I just got out of Morocco (very different way of like...one needs a few weeks to adapt to the culture and feel comfortable), but regardless, it´s beautiful here. We´re tucked away in the Sierra Nevadas, but no snow is here yet. Supposedly there´ll be good skiing soon. Lots of hippies, hookah bars, tea cafes, and incense in one area of town...the other sells Burberry (yes, Julia! we thought of you) and the euro-fashion trends, like tight sneakers, shoulderless shirts, and j.lo sunglasses. Meanwhile, they have X and me trekking around, not really fitting into any style, just constantly asking, "Donde esta la lavanderia?" in very poor Spanish. We really need to do laundry right now (I´ve gone four days in the same outfit), and of course we find one and it´s closed due to a holiday we were totally unaware of...and still are. (Supposedly these peeps get countless 4-day weekends every year for so-called fiesta celebrations, and these Spaniards celebrate EVERYTHING, no joke).

Anyways, back to Morocco. We visited Chefchaouen for a couple days, literally raced through Rabat, and spent another couple days in Asilah. Like I said, very different. VERY cheap, however, so we came across multiple backpackers who were there simply because they wanted to continue their travels but were short on cash. 10 dirham (DH) = 1€ = 1.28 USD (as of yesterday), and we were getting accommodations in Morroco for 120 DH, meals for 25 DH, cafe for 5 DH...unreal. We did pay a price for cheap accommodation, however, by spending two nights in a room that is little better than a jail cell. I won´t go into details or you all will really think I am a dirty person for staying there, but from Morroco forward, any accommodation we get is going to be like a 5-star resort...or at least 4-stars. I guess my main complaint about Morocco was the way kids were living. We ventured into towns, which were TOTAL chaos, and you´d see slums like nothing you can imagine, and kids are playing with sticks, running around barefoot, and eating with their hands. Their immune systems must be tough as nails, considering the septic systems in these towns are so poor. Note: Don´t step in the water flowing down the streets! Otherwise, there was a bit of humor to be found in these places. People bought live chickens, which had their feet tied to prevent escape. Our last bus ride in Morocco, the baggage compartment flies open, and our bags are thrown on top of a chicken. My jaw dropped, X started snapping pictures like a madman, smiling like a joker. The locals got a kick our of our reaction to the whole incident. I wasn´t too happy when my jacket was retrieved at the end of the ride stinking something putrid, and was wet. YUCK! I don´t have a jacket at the moment as a result because we can´t find a darn lavaderia in Spain!!! Enough on Morocco...oh wait, both X and I did get upset stomachs there. I haven´t quite recovered, still feeling a bit of nausea.

Tomorrow we leave Granada for Murcia. We have a WWOOF gig in that town with a family, and supposedly we sleep in tipis. I hope we stay for a couple of weeks because traveling is starting to wear on me, looking for a place to sleep every night, etc. I want to throw my backpack somewhere and stay for a while, get regular meals and such. Speaking of, it is very difficult to survive as a vegetarian in Spain. Everyone likes to put jamon (ham) on everything, so basically I am surviving on tortillas (in Spain, they´re like potato omelettes, not like those in Mexico), queso bocadillos (cheese sandwiches), and cafe solo...er, black coffee...but Spain has really, really good coffee, although I can´t wait to go home and have my 12 ounce mug filled to the brim with Peet´s. Nobody in Spain will fill my mug. Mui grande, they say!!!

I hope you all are doing really well, and I miss you.

I will write more later...

p.s. We just bought tickets to Rome for a week (for 40€ each, not kidding), so we get to see Omar and spend a few days with Carolyn and Foster. Can´t wait!!! After that, I think we´re heading into southwestern France, i.e. Biarritz, for the rest of our trip, heading home 11/18.

p.s.s. I just sent in my first batch of pictures to Snapfish, so hopefully they´ll be online soon. Will let you know."

spanglar spain

2011-09-25T14:16:00.004-07:00

i recently came across five emails i sent out circa 2004 describing my two months spent in Spain (with an X...who became an X after the trip. good times.). i am going to post them on this site, a little late, so i am sure not to lose them...and you may find them enjoyable. that and i have failed to post on other trips i have recently taken, although what happens on the island should stay on the island. AFY!!! (if you don't know, don't ask.)

email #1, sent to 49 unlucky individuals on 1 october 2004, and yes, i used to type with capital letters:

" Hola,

Wish I could write individual emails, but that would be really expensive. Lesson #1: NEVER take for granted your home internet connection. Lesson #2: Never take for granted electricity, especially electricity in the bathroom. After spending 3 days in Madrid (nice, but seriously, another international city), X and I headed to Cadiz, a sweet little beach town in southern Spain. We stayed in a youth hostel (a personal lesson for me there...I´m getting too old to do that) and were told to throw our sleeping bags on the terrace for the night, i.e. the roof. Then we headed for Tarifa, on the VERY southern tip of Spain, the windsurf capital of the world. We joined up with our first WWOOF hosts, a couple of Brit hippies who have a pot patch that is bigger than my grandparents´ home...and I think they smoke that much in a day. Of course, it´s legal in Spain. They live on a farm like it´s 200 years ago. All light is candlelight, no electricity, no toilet paper in the toilets, etc. X, Marian (our Aussie co-WWOOFer, and I slept in caravans out front), all decorated in crazy Moroccan flavors...but then, Morocco is only 35min across the strait from Tarifa, so not so exotic in those parts. Additionally, these Brits would bring groceries home from Gibraltar? They have a big fat rooster (X was in heaven, lots of pictures), too many chickens to count, 4 cats, 3 dogs, 2 horses, a donkey...I think that´s it? We got to build a rock wall, clear farm land of weeds (ha, Carolyn, ironic eh?!), paint the guest house (they rent it out...sorta a b&b thing), feed the chickens, bundle sticks for kindling, etc. Seriously, we were working on a farm. I´ve never eaten so much. I learned lots, especially how to shower in cold water. Their water is warmed by the sun, and I had to finish work before the sun went down or BRRRRRRRR! I usually failed because we were all taking advantage of the siesta. YES, the siesta still exists. All the shops close 2-6pm or so. It is very inconvenient, at least until you get used to it.

Oh yes, communications. X and I are getting pretty good at Spanish. Nobody here speaks English.

Not sure what else to say, so much has happened, and my time on the computer is running out so I gotta jet.

We leave the farm in 2 days and head for Morocco...Africa! Well, not really Africa-Africa, but it´s the same continent and it should be just as frantic.

Will write more soon.

gg"

travel space

2010-06-03T06:31:00.000-07:00

i have decided to reserve this blog soley for travel-related blogging, so don't expect anything until my next trip.

biarritz

2009-09-16T02:52:00.002-07:00

i love it here. must i go home?! just yesterday morning, i was surfing alone for 45 minutes...the entire beach to myself. the sky was pink, and in between sets the water became so calm it looked like a psychadelic shampoo, a viscous purple and pink mixture flowing past my arms as i paddled. it was amazing, like a dream come true. that would never happen in the states.

i have been here for the week, with another couple days to go. my studio is very cute. it already feels like home, tucked away in the middle of town and very convenient to everything. yesterday i rode bikes with jen and randy to bayonne, a larger town with a heavy basque influence. very, very french. biarritz is more regal and elegant, having been designed to impress the queen and napoleon.

the internet cafe is shutting down, so i must go!

bonjour!!!

2009-09-10T03:39:00.003-07:00

ok...i do not have much time to write (and this keyboard is JACKED)...so quickly:

france rules. i am having a blast. it has been a whirlwind, as this is the first chance i have had to get online in a week. but the wedding and all the festivities leading up to the celebration have been absolutely amazing. a bachelorette party, i.e., pole-dancing, in cannes and bungee jumping in the alps!!! .yes, i jumped!!! magnificent, yet horrifying experience. the wedding itself was unreal.

off to aix-en-provence today, so must motor. a bientot!!!

maybe this one will go a little more...smoothly???

2009-09-01T19:15:00.004-07:00

i am all packed and ready for france. woohoo!!! my flight leaves tomorrow morning. finally. vacation.

but of course, there were glitches. there are ALWAYS glitches in my travels, as many of you know.

#1: the cold. i went for a (rather messy) ride saturday morning. i missed the "window" and ended up with heat exhaustion, e.g., chills, clammy body parts, dehydration, nausea. i made it back to my car. wiped. then i watched my nephew play football for a couple hours in a mere 105 F. then i hung out in the sister's backyard. by 5pm, i was WAY wiped. i took a shower, got ready to chill on the sofa and eat a meal...and then i felt that weird, constricting feeling in my throat. that twitch. damn it! i got nailed. within 24 hours, i had the chills, hot flashes, sore muscles, a stuffy head...had to leave work early on monday and sleep all afternoon. however, today i have felt much better. i think i nailed it. (i am all over the neti pot.) the true test will come when i wake up in the morning.

#2: the burn. Mini's tailpipe burned the crap out of my leg! it's a nasty burn. i bought neosporin for it. i hope i don't end up in a french hospital.

#3: i have to pay my water bill within two weeks or i go to collections. the catch: i have no clue what my account number is because i never got the first bill for the condo...and all my mail is being flown all over the world, as far as i know. so i cannot pay online. and of course, the customer service phone line was busy for two days straight, which has never happened. fortunately, i called the emergency number and the dude got me through in the knick of time. check one.

#4: i found my DREAM JOB at the epa...right before i take off. the closing date is tonight at 11:59 pm. they could call at any time beginning tomorrow. i rented a global phone, just in case. but what if they want me to go to denver for an interview? that could be one expensive flight.

also, heads up! check the nanosolar.com website on 9/9. they are redesigning the thing with "significant news." i wonder?

couch-surfing

2009-08-25T13:38:00.002-07:00

i bid farewell to the condo. i just let it go. the moment i decided to walk, i felt better. without a doubt, i made the right decision.

the condo will now go into foreclosure. makes me wonder if the bank thinks it can get more money from auction? i will never know. DONE. move along...

i moved all of my belongings into a storage space this past weekend...and into my sister's home in carefree...and miscellaneous items are located at that same sister's condo in the city, and the other sister's home in scottsdale...it's all over phoenix. i am all over phoenix. literally. OVER phoenix.

i leave for france next wednesday. until then, i am moving from one couch to daybed to futon...to another couch/daybed/futon. i carry my sleeping bag, suitcase, work clothes (on hangers), gym bag, wetsuit, laptop, and bike in/on my car. my sisters have been kind enough to let me use their laundry machines...that was getting a little out of control. my wallet is overflowing with receipts because i eat out EVERY day (and have been since i gave up the fridge over a month ago). the mail is, once again, on vacation hold. for a month. in some ways, this is fun. it is requiring a lot of organization, but there is not a dull moment.

i am curious to see what happens when i return from france. who knows? i may not even come back!

the gypsy blood

2009-08-16T09:02:00.006-07:00

that's what my sister calls it...'the gypsy blood.' we have it, in a philosophical sense. we like to move around, live in new places, and have the ability to up and go at a moment's notice with little attachment to our current locale. that's just the way it is. and yet, we retain roots in washington. for her, gig harbor. for me, seattle. that city will always be my "home." i often crave its coffee culture, its endless waterways, its eclectic neighborhoods, its accessible and diverse nightlife and music scene, its fantastic public transportation system, its style and bumper stickers...its access to the outdoors! i even miss the rain and the occasional freezing, crisp mornings when the blades of grass are shimmering in the sunshine. the city is magical. moving back should be a brainless decision. but then, there is a glitch. i have fallen in love with colorado for an endless number of reasons. interestingly, since moving to phoenix, i have learned that i do not miss the water so much. i prefer the mountains and yes, even the dry desert landscape. i love the smells of the earth and the wild weather. but phoenix is not for me. and yet i am glad i came here, for at least a little while. i learned a lot. i especially love that my family is here, but that is ALL that is here. another move is in order. (come on, would you really expect anything else from me?! that damn gypsy blood... :)

why am i talking crazy like this? this situation with the condo, which is still ongoing, has got me thinking about a lot about things. i have many theories, one of them being, if you are meant to have something, it will come to you. another, obstacles are a way to make you think hard about what you really want. needless to say, trying to buy this condo has presented one obstacle after another. it has been an emotional roller coaster. it has beat me down. and most importantly, it has forced me to think...probably for the first time since i moved to phoenix. a few things i have realized:

i am comparing myself to others. i see friends who own homes, are fully established in their careers, are married, are having kids...and i actually began to feel like i had to go that route, or "keep up." but that's not ME. at least not now. i need to do my own thing, follow MY heart. and look what i get: i am living some great adventures, have the freedom to pick up and leave the country for a month without answering to anyone, to drop a job when i feel unchallenged and not have to worry about paying a mortgage, to try ANOTHER career, to move to ANOTHER city...i get to be that free spirit, gather contrast, break all the rules...just be unconventional, at times impulsive and erratic! no pressure to please anyone.
and that being said, things change, including your friends. sometimes you just need to let go of certain people, especially those who fear your decisions. people enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. and all serve their purpose perfectly.
the universe really does steer you right, often in mysterious ways. since moving to phoenix, nothing has been easy. i only realized yesterday, as i was riding my bike through sedona (did i pass through an energy vortex?! :), i have been unsettled since i crossed that california-arizona border back in december 2008. every aspect of my life in phoenix, with the exception of family, has been a challenge. none of it has felt right. that says something to me.

i decided to shake up the energy of the universe this morning. i applied for a couple jobs, one in denver, one in seattle. we'll see what happens...but i am not fighting any longer.

chillax

2009-08-10T20:07:00.000-07:00

i've been so caught up with the condo movement (or lack thereof) lately that i feel like the rest of my life is passing me by unnoticed, which is unfortunate because there are so many other good, less stressful things to focus on. first of all, france is right around the corner. i leave in three weeks! i need to a swimsuit. that's all. no shots this time around, thank the big cosmic G! i like my new gym, and pay more than $100 LESS than the last gym...even though i have to bring my own towels. the little bugs in "my" kitchen are gone (but then, so is Slick, which i am very sad about). i fit into my favorite jeans once again! i have a job. i didn't get a flat tire all weekend, despite all the pointy rocks on the trail. my car is shiny...and no tickets lately. :) my family rocks...and is very generous with the use of its appliances while i have none. i have water and ac and internet. i have an address (well, an illegal one, but an address nonetheless) and a mailbox key. and no nasty gram from my prior landlord threatening a lawsuit for breaking the [nonexistent, i maintain] lease! and tomorrow, i get to model indoor vapor intrusion into a local warehouse...so freakin cool. off to slumber.

slick and the squatter

2009-08-05T13:16:00.004-07:00

someone once said to me, 'it's a recession if someone you know loses his job, it's a depression if you lose your job.' so, what is it if you've stooped to squatting in a condo you'd like to buy? my life in a nutshell. still, no appliances, living out of boxes, mail going to the ghetto post office (which i will only go to once a week because the place is, like i said, GHETTO)...but i am getting used to this state of limbo. good or bad? i have also vowed not to put another penny into the place until it belongs to me. therefore, i will continue to listen to the annoying beeps from the fire alarm, alerting me the battery is almost out of juice, rather than put out a few bucks for a new battery. i will continue to take 'low level' baths, rather than showers, to prevent water from entering cracks in the tile and fixtures that need to be caulked. i will also stumble through the carport at night, in the dark, rather than buying new lightbulbs for the lighting fixtures. bruises abound.

really, though...how much longer can this go on?! i want a punching bag. and a mini fridge.

i simply feel defeated. sigh.

but at least i have a roommate. his name is Slick. he's a baby gecko, and he likes to run all over the place. he even greeted me when i got home last night. the place feels a little cozier with him around.

my personal cartoon

2009-07-30T12:12:00.002-07:00

my aunt told me to look at this home-buying experience like it's a cartoon. no kidding. i signed papers yesterday, but no money exchanged hands...BECAUSE NOBODY KNOWS HOW MUCH I OWE. say what? no, seriously...the realtor/lender/bank are at battle. some idiot at the bank closed the file on friday, and now his managers are playing damage control. the bank also decided NOW that they only want to pay 3% for closing costs, not 5% as originally promised. (is that legal?) further, the bank wants me to cough up the last 7 months' worth of HOA backpayments...even though i am not the owner. now, how does that work? AND they want me to pay a lien on the property for a roof assessment that was due 5/1/09...again, not the owner! amazing.

now my question is, this bank has a property just sitting there, about to go into foreclosure...and then i come along and want to buy it (after it sat on the market for eight months without a single offer). why is the bank resisting this sale so much? sniff sniff. is that...greed? could come back to bite them in the ass because i am being worn down and if they don't budge soon, i am walking. detachment is bliss. :)

so, regardless, i am sleeping there tonight since i have to pass over my keys to the apartment this afternoon. i pushed the appliance delivery to next week. (a week without a fridge...i am going to have to dig deep to remember my experiences in spain.) my belongings will remain in boxes until the sale is final. i will continue to sleep on my mattress pad. my mail is on vacation hold since i have no idea where to send it. i am having internet turned on tomorrow...for fun.

i am going to implode

2009-07-28T09:42:00.003-07:00

again...hiccups. the docs are still being prepared. they should have been at title yesterday. the bank deadline is on thursday. the condo is sterile. the carpet was professionally cleaned. the kitchen has been painted and the grout cleaned (by the AWESOME "three bees," including my nephew who rocks the magic marker). the electric is on, in my name. appliances come in on saturday (already post-poned the date THREE times). i am being kicked out of my current pad on thursday. electric goes off there on thursday and the carpet will be cleaned...tomorrow? the internet gets transferred on thursday. i still need to submit a change-of-address form. do i get a post office box? i am living in limbo. again. i hate this.

my clean weekend

2009-07-20T21:05:00.026-07:00

i spent this past weekend cleaning the new condo. it was ok, except for the kitchen...gross gross gross! next time i will pay someone to clean the kitchen for me. the downstairs took THREE mop jobs. i actually got blisters from mopping. in the end, everything was spic and span. the carpets, however, had to wait. the electric was not turned on, so i could not vacuum or shampoo the second floor. the BEST part of having no electric (in phoenix, no less): no AC!!! talk about misery.

here are a few "before" pics...

this is a shot of the UGLIEST fireplace i have ever seen. i already planned a demolition weekend. word on the street is this monstrosity covers up a "zen like" marble masterpiece. what was the previous owner thinking?! my realtor said she was dating a guy (a contractor) who was trying to woo her with this thing. i would have dumped him. the french doors, 14' ceiling, tile flooring (keeps things cool), and natural light sold me, however. also notice the mop. i believe you will see my blood on that thing if you look closely enough, stupid cleaning device. and get this: in those boxes back there, in the corner, is my first dining room table EVER! so excited.

next up is a shot of the stairway. i LOVE the open riser stairs. it makes the place feel really spacious, especially when you walk in the front door, and it's all kinda 80s (and we all know how i love the 80s!). eventually i am going to strip the carpet and cover the stairs with dark wood. same goes with the entire upstairs.

there is a half-bath and coat closet to the left of the front door there. the half-bath is slated to be the "goth" bathroom. :)

here are a few quick shots of the upstairs, namely the master (a "loft") and guest bedrooms, each of which has a door that leads out onto a small deck where i can drink my peet's and eat my prunes in the hot morning sun...

note: the ugly fan is out. and yes, the walls are pink. painting is on the list. the master bath is in great condition, fortunately.

now i am apologizing. we are about to enter the kitchen area...ack!

this is where most of my weekend was spent. the condo does not come with appliances. what you see are pieces of crap that do not work. i am shocked they had the oven plugged in because it is a major fire hazard. this dishwasher is a prop; it is not connected. there is water damage under the sink due to an issue with the last installed dishwasher (i presume), but that is the only thing wrong with the condo, so not a big deal. i will learn something. the cabinets are pretty standard, but in good shape. the walls need painting; there are permanent grease/food marks surrounding the oven area. countertops are "granite look." whatever. they're in good shape. the door leads to the 2-car carport (which i eventually want to turn into a garage, if the HOA will let me).

ok, time for the real nasties! ooh...ahh...

and my reaction...

rubber gloves on. and the after shots, brought to you by the domestic UNgoddess!

to be continued...

commitment...but not really

2009-07-19T06:17:00.007-07:00

i am looking at my last posting and have to laugh...was it really march 31 when i made the offer on the condo?! well, i got it, after a FOUR MONTH struggle, but then i am typically drawn to a good challenge (check out the men i've dated. :). i officially sign papers this friday. however, it's a "sure thing" according to all parties involved (including the lender), so i already have the keys, am in the process of cleaning the place, ordered the energy star appliances (using my new home depot credit card :), bought my CFLs, bought a dining room table, etc...ah, the joys of homeownership.

now, you may be wondering why this process took so long! for starters, the condo is a short sale, and the realtor warned me right off the bat that this was going to take a while. turns out the "counter" process did not take much time at all...my offer was pretty much in line with what the bank was hoping for. the beast was securing the loan! i applied for a 5% down conventional. my prequal reflected that, everything seemed peachy, blah blah blah. when the time came to actually apply for the loan, Fannie and Freddie decided to require a minimum 10% downpayment for condos in "declining markets." phoenix is there. huh?! i could swing that, but i would not be left with enough to do the fun home improvement projects i was so looking forward to. also, in the process of calling lenders, i learned that a number of them required even MORE than 10% down in maricopa county (wells fargo wanted 35%!!!). this all led my very creative realtor to move in another direction. she decided to get the condo "spot approved," or rather, since the complex is not fha-approved, she would apply to have that single unit fha-approved, which would allow me to purchase the condo with a mere 3.5% down (yes, even that went up from 3%...this housing market is jacked, let me tell you!). it took a while, but everything panned out and i got the fha loan...and i still have a nice savings to play with.

lots of work, but the timing of my entry into the real estate market was impeccable, for a few reasons:

1) i get Obama's $8,000 tax credit, ON TOP of all the wonderful mortgage tax rebates
2) hud is planning to do away with fha spot approvals in a matter of months (and rather streamline the process for a complex to get approval)
3) i just got my raise/bonus last week (yeah, how much does my company rock? no layoffs and still passing out increases in salary...sweet!)
4) places are CHEAP!!! it's a good time to buy
5) basically, everything is on sale, including appliances and flooring
6) my current residence is going into foreclosure (which i learned a mere month after moving in...these phoenix landlords are scum), so i've been a sitting duck for six months, waiting for the place to be auctioned off, resulting in my eviction notice...this whole situation is a story in itself

now, is this condo purchase really commitment? you tell me. at my purchase price, i will be paying LESS for mortgage, insurance, taxes, and hoa than i currently pay in rent...not including maintenance costs, of course. if i decide to ditch town and head for Colorado in a couple of years, i can rent it out and profit $200 to $300 per month. i could actually do that now. this purchase is a no-brainer in my opinion.

and in the spirit of Karen's home improvement blog, i will try to dedicate space on this blog to my projects...starting with the cleaning, so stay tuned...

condomania

2009-03-31T10:09:00.004-07:00

i am placing an offer on a condo today. i have been staring at this one for three months, since i first moved to Phoenix, and the price has continued to drop....which i don't understand. the place is great. the location is great (yes, i checked crime stats). not a single offer. until today!

i will post photos when i get it. :)

my 14-year-old therapist

2009-03-15T09:47:00.010-07:00

my brother-in-law's 40th birthday party was last night. i am not a fan of big parties, only because i do better in small groups. i also feel big parties lend to the 'small talk' factor...lots of alcohol, small words, even smaller connections with people. however, i jump at any chance to see my family, and it was a good occasion to celebrate, so i went. fortunately.

before the party got going, i was introduced to a bubbly 14-year-old girl named Zella Day. she walked right up to me with a huge smile, introduced herself, and asked if i'd give her a tour of my sister's house. gladly. we chatted a bit, joked about the size of the home and the possibility of getting lost (which has happened!), and checked out her new 'movie star' sunglasses. super sweet girl. and apparently very humble, as i found out later that night she is a budding super star.

that night, her mother was talking to my sister and me about Zella's success (and this was after Zella knocked our socks off with a private performance). interesting story indeed, with the trips to Hollywood, the agents, and Zella's courage in the face of money and power and "machines." no doubt, that girl has talent, confidence, brains, and modesty...the only thing she lacks is fear! but what hit home for me was simply hearing about a young girl following her dream while being supported wholeheartedly by her family. surprisingly, this dug deep, and this one conversation ultimately became therapy for me because i realized that at one stage in my life, i was Zella! i had no fear. i loved to perform for others, act, sing, be creative. i would bust out with a lively rendition of "the sun will come out tomorrow" for anyone, anywhere, on cue! fortunately, i had the opportunity to play the violin for ten years, and i absolutely lost myself in that instrument for hours on end. and yet, all this makes me wonder how far i could have gone had i been provided the support and financial resources. what if my mom had taken me to the audition at The Pantages Theater that day i called her frantically from elementary school after hearing about auditions for a play? would i now be an actress? a stage director? a producer? what if mom had been able to afford to rent the cello, which is what i really wanted to play, instead of the violin? i was concertmistress of my high school orchestra, made the Youth Symphony and All State orchestras for years...on my own. what if i had private instruction, like every other student in the higher (and many lower) chairs, or a higher quality instrument? OR what if i did not put down my pencil when my little brother said to me one day, long ago, "why do you have to draw? you have everything else, why can't i have this?" the end of an era for me, as i bid farewell to something i enjoyed to make someone else happy. story of my life, apparently.

where would i be right now if my dreams had been nurtured like Zella? would i have chosen music over engineering in college? without a doubt. at that time, though, i just didn't think i had it in me, the 'artistic' stuff. but i realize only now that i simply wasn't nurtured in those areas, the areas that were most important to me. my little brother was always told how talented he was and bragged about, and that is great because he KNEW he was good at his passion (and fortunately, a pencil and paper is cheap). to this day he is held on a pedestal for his talent. meanwhile, i was nurtured for nothing. all i saw was the pride in my parents' eyes when they got to brag about me being an 'A' student, a child who took care of herself, caused no problems, followed the rules, and was on the 'right track.' all my compliments were, and to do this day ARE, based on nothing that means anything to me.

has my whole life been a fake? does anyone really know the real me? do i? is it too late to pursue my dreams, unleash my passions to the world, fulfill my Piscean destiny? where to start?

mission impossible: break the lease

2009-03-04T14:05:00.002-07:00

i received a notice from my property manager last week that my condo is being sold, and that a realtor would be contacting me to schedule walkthroughs. um...excuse me...huh?!

i need advice here, people. when i signed my lease, i was under the impression i was simply renting an apartment. not a word was said about the condo being owned by a private party. typically, not a big deal, i get it. BUT, in my case, i would NOT have signed the lease if this information had been disclosed. #1 i know two couples that have been evicted because the owner of their rented condo went into foreclosure. #2 i would not have accepted the risk of the owner selling the condo, in which case potential buyers would be traipsing through my home. with their shoes on...bringing their strange energy into my home, seeing everything i own, potentially leaving the front door unlocked with my thousands of dollars worth of bikeage just sitting there...this bugs the hell out of me.

so tell me, is this grounds for breaking a lease? i feel the leasing office should have disclosed this information. secondly, if this is not grounds for breaking a lease, can i deny the realtor the right to allow potential buyers into my home?

the grand scheme of things

2009-03-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

now that my life has 'calmed' a bit, i am now able to focus on my great escape from the world of engineering. i have never been more certain of anything in my life. i want out. even better, my gut wants out. the hours i spend at what is now termed 'the day job' are little more than a research opportunity in how to feng shui the hell out of cubicle space...and a way to make a paycheck. of course. after all, isn't that the reason a majority of us walk through the doors of drudgery on a daily basis?

this being said, i am now working on growing two small businesses that will eventually squeeze out the 'day job.' i find time to work on these part-time endeavors at home either very early in the morning or very late at night. interestingly, despite these odd hours, i have more energy working on my businesses than i do when "fresh" in the morning at my 'day job.' that says something.

even more telling...

#1 i am absolutely stepping out of my comfort zone these days. i am learning about marketing, networking, accounting, and most importantly, human relations (obviously NOT a forte in the world of engineering :). i am having to become brave when it comes to contacting people out of the blue, being direct, and possibly asking for help, or even accepting help while understanding that people really do want to help, which has always been difficult for me. i am making phone calls, not sending emails (that's a big deal for me!). i am setting appointments with people to talk over coffee and presenting information in different ways. i am asking THEM to be open-minded enough to take a look at what i am doing, which is something i am very excited about! and despite being so uncomfortable most of the time, i am having a blast! i am learning so much about myself and other people and believe so much in what i am doing that i keep going, keep pushing myself, keep growing...and i am very excited to see where this leads me.

but...

#2 i have also learned that this "change" in my direction has also changed the way i perceive some of my relationships with family and friends. at a time when i am heading in a totally new direction, when i could absolutely use the support of some key people in my life, some of those people are turning away from me or immediately making incorrect assumptions. even if i am asking for nothing more than an opinion, or advice on how to go about doing something better, or just an ear for 5 minutes (i am working on things to make THEIR life better!), i get the 'what's wrong with what you're doing now?' or the 'why are you doing this?' or the 'anyone could do this, you could do so much more' or, even better, i am ignored. i feel like they don't trust me, and given that, do they really know me? on the other end of the spectrum, i am learning that some people are really stepping up to the plate, so to speak! they are very excited to learn more about what i am doing, offer advice, perhaps even get involved. they support me, and they are simply open to learning something new, worst case! all this is very telling. right now, i need to surround myself with positive people, and i am beginning to learn that a number of people in my life, some i thought were totally on my side, are just kinda negative, close-minded, and don't seem to give a rip about what i am up to. consequently, i am starting to reassess the people i surround myself with...get rid of those "negatrons." boo.

explosion

2009-02-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

the past three months have been, well...trying. they've consisted of moving, transferring offices, catching up on new projects, meeting new people, studying for the leed exam, training for my bike race, family events, family drama, adjusting to a new city/state, a last minute funeral in WA (well, are they ever planned?), launching two small businesses, taxes, planning/paying for my trip to france...and then some...and finally, the actual race, which i already told you about. so, last saturday was my birthday. i went to yoga, then hiked camelback mountain with my family. at the top of the mountain, they put a tiara on my head and presented me with a brownie and candle to blow out. it was cute...until they made me wear the tiara on the way down! :) then they cooked me dinner. exhausting day, but very fun and so appreciated. however, the following day, sunday, was my first day of downtime, literally, in three months. NOTHING TO DO. i had looked forward to that day for a long time. and i got sick. and i've been sick all week. finally, today, i feel better...and then i go to log onto my laptop first thing this morning and it gives me the blue screen of death. it's infested with 130+ viruses. hmm. no doubt, i am being tested.

do you ever get the feeling something big is about to happen? like a major event looming on the horizon is about to shift the course of your life, and you actually expect it? yeah, that feeling! well i have it. and i don't know why. but great patience is being demanded of me at this time.

the day of pain: mission accomplished

2009-02-17T17:27:00.000-07:00

i did it! i finished my first 24-hour mountain bike race, and i feel awesome! although i am still groggy. i can’t catch up on my sleep and i still want to eat like a horse, which i can no longer do, so sad...

the highlights of the race are as follows:

freezing temperatures and i got stuck with the 3am shift.
high altitude and dry desert conditions, which means you could not drink enough water which led to dehydration and thereby cramps that ultimately doubled the size of my quads which equals massive PAIN. and that was the first lap…
having to drink so much water that in the short spans of time you were allowed some shuteye (~3 hours) you ended up waking up every 30 minutes needing to pee your brains out, which necessitated having to get dressed in freezing temps (quickly!) and running to the porta potties which were located on the other side of the expo area, so everyone could see me skipping along desperately with my hand between my legs. certainly amongst my finest moments.
a flat tire within the first mile of my 3am shift, whereby a tire iron breaks. i also run out of co2 so my tire is not inflated enough and i therefore had to spend a majority of the remaining 17 miles off the saddle to decrease my chances of getting a pinch flat. and this was before i ran into the guy whose headlights, both of them, died. i guided him for a few miles so he could make it to the main road and get moving so he wouldn’t freeze to death. totally killed my time…but you do not mess with karma.
mini got to experience off-roading for the first time. great! she was filthy and ended up playing a 2-day game of alternating between boom box/soda can coaster/bonfire ash collector/just lay anything you damn well please against my car, people! poor mini. she got washed yesterday and i heard her squeal in delight.
and guess who was in my category? yeah, my team competed against Dave Wiens’ team. this is the guy who defeated Lance Armstrong in Leadville by something like 16 minutes. needless to say, i am stoked my team got 19/37.

and then i would do it all over again. it’s that 99/1 ratio. 99% of the time is miserable, but that 1% will pull me back in. there’s something about being in the high desert alone at night with a clear sky, savoring the calmness and the peace of being overwhelmed with the elements. you come to terms with who you are, what you are capable of doing…in some sense, what’s most important to you. pushing your limits like that changes you, mentally and physically. seeing what happens to your body and mind is astonishing. i love it.

next time i think i’ll do it solo.

accreditation. FINALLY.

2009-02-03T14:52:00.000-07:00

i took the LEED-NC exam this morning and passed! woohoo!!! immediately afterwards i went to my first u.s. green building council meeting as a LEED AP and ate two cookies while learning about soy-based paints and VOC-free adhesives. i felt way cool.

the best part was placing all of my study material on the shelf at work. it is off my desk at home. with the exception of the reference guide, i never want to see that stack of paper again! talk about feng shui'ing my life! completing (and passing) this exam was the ultimate decluttering exercise. :)

AND it's my birthday month! what a way to start...

wine, women & wealth

2009-01-31T06:35:00.000-07:00

one thing i have to give phoenix credit for is that people around here LIKE TO DO STUFF. i thought this was the case in california, but that deduction was based on a comparison to folks in washington. ok, in retrospect, i see the issue. nobody steps outside in washington for good reason. once you are exposed to the constant drizzle, your hair never dries, your anti-depressant dose rises, and your body gets closer to developing a fungus. naturally, people from any other state are more likely to get out of the house. i remember moving to california and feeling like i could never sit on my couch and just relax without feeling guilty (especially when the sun was out, which was most of the time), but the second i walked out my front door it was like being whisked away in a torrential storm. sure, people in cali like to do stuff, but it's work hard, play hard, then go back to work! very intense. now, people in arizona, on the other hand...

these folks LOVE it here. and they prove it. they are always out doing something fun, something to better themselves even. and work doesn't rule their lives. in fact, my social life is better in arizona in six weeks than it was in cali in nine years! i think it could be the energy of the desert. it's powerful stuff. creativity is flowing through me like a raging class v river. (i am having a very hard time sleeping because i wake up with so many ideas and i cannot calm them down enough to drift off. i have resorted to keeping a journal by my bed.) i am drawn to certain areas of this town, like camelback mountain. it is easy to just sit and enjoy the natural beauty without feeling the need to be somewhere else and even more impressive is that although the weather is better here than in california (at least NOW...summer is another story), i can sit on my sofa with a good book without feeling like i 'should' be doing something else. it is awesome.

so, last night i attended a networking function called 'wine, women & wealth.' one of the founders is the sister of my boss, and i met her a few weeks ago at a theater night. she invited me to this function, and it was a fantastic experience. WWW is a means for women entrepreneurs to get together once every two months and network, i.e., spread the word of your business, seek specific referrals, and gain support from all of the women (70 last night) at WWW who are each amazing resources. i felt an instant connection with all of them, despite me being amongst one of the 'youngsters' in attendance. all of these women had more or less gone through what i AM going through, with the whole battling corporate america thing and being utterly miserable. not only did they recognize this insanity and decide to do something about it, but they walked away and started their own business so they could be their own boss and follow their hearts, pursue their passions, fill a niche, grow personally, whatever their individual reason was. and OH MY GOD, i have never seen a happier, driven, more passionate group of people in my life. EVERYONE there last night loves what they do, and it absolutely shows. they are energized! AND all these women want to help ME get started with my business. it was like a dream come true!

and you know what? networking, the whole schmoozing thing, typically annoys the crap out of me because i absolutely hate small talk. turns out that when you actually enjoy what you do, or what you want to do, and you have goals and want to meet certain people to help you attain those goals, networking is awesome...and EASY. there is no small talk involved. every second is precious. i found myself walking up to women with skills i wanted or interests that gel with my own and just say, 'hi! i want to talk with you.' and we were off! it was empowering. it also confirms i am going in the right direction and how off-course i am in the engineering world. oh boy, was i a fish out of water at those networking functions! pass me a pillow, please! zzzzzzzzz

i beat brezsny to the punch

2009-01-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

most people know me as 'the engineer.' not surprising, that has been my "face" for a number of years. however, i have another side to me that is much more important in my life, and that is the one interested in spirituality, eastern practices, astrology, etc. i eat up books on Buddhism and numerology and universal laws and quantum physics. i own a pack of tarot cards that i use for meditation. i have studied feng shui for years. i would like to study acupuncture and the i ching. (ok, so now that the cat's out of the bag, expect more blog entries on these topics and the crazy thoughts that enter my mind.) naturally, me being 'old school,' i check my astrological horoscope on occasion, and in particular, i am all over rob brezsny's free will astrology. this week he tells me:

"According to Harper's Index, an Iowa farmer can generate an annual revenue of $300 per quarter acre by growing corn to produce ethanol. If the farmer instead puts a wind turbine on that same patch of land, however, he could earn $10,000 per year. I urge you to meditate on that scenario as a metaphor for your own life, Pisces. Are you underutilizing one of your resources? Are you failing to fully capitalize on your potentials? Have you accepted a low-yield reward in a situation that could bring you much, much more? If so, what are you going to do about it?

my response: i already know this! funny it should be thrown at me after i only realized this a week ago and decided that my current job is the equivalent of his $300 quarter acre of corn. needless to say, this is just fuel for my fire and confirmation that i am on the right path. it is exciting. but the interesting thing is, so many people stay with jobs that make them utterly miserable on a daily basis (including me), and yet if things become so much easier if you simply do what you love, what is the disconnect? my take on it is, most people don't know what they love, what they want, what they're worth even. so part of my big plan is to focus on finding out what it is i love and what it is i truly WANT because i fully understand my worth and what i am capable of. and i am not going to cut myself short.

i wrote an entry in my journal last week, and it absolutely turned out to be one of those turning points in my life, one of those 'ah ha!' moments. it was my first experience with being entirely truthful with myself, despite a very hard truth, and ending up feeling wonderful and free because i let myself go. this is what i said:

"012309. something just occurred to me. when i chose to be an "environmental engineer" in the tenth grade while talking to my father, i chose that path for the wrong reasons. i knew at that time i was passionate about environmental protection, so the "environmental" portion of that decision was authentic. it was right on! but the "engineering" portion of that decision had more to do with my fears of inadequacy and poverty. rather than explore my options as an environmentalist, i went with the seemingly safe path. everyone said i should be an engineer because i was good at math and science. everyone ELSE. but did i enjoy it? i worked hard to understand those subjects, score high on tests, get those scholarships...but the subjects did not excite me. and everyone ELSE said i should be an engineer because there are always jobs for engineers and the salaries are "good." and so i got sucked in without thinking for myself because everyone ELSE knew me better than me. right? and then i go to college and actually switch majors in a day when my roomate at the time said her dad (who i didn't even know!!!) would hire a chemical engineer over a civil engineer any day! so of course i had to change majors if that was the case and learn about pipes and process equipment and transport phenomena and material balances...stop! my head hurts! and i only rocked the program because i am resourceful, i am a hard worker, i am persistent, i like a challenge, and i am pretty darn bright. my success in chemE as a student had nothing to do with my being naturally gifted at math and science or with a passion for those subjects. in fact, i loathed those subjects. i wanted more than anything to just be able to take a foreign language in school (note: engineering majors were the only students exempt from foreign language courses because our fun-loving curriculum was too full!). i loved my public speaking class and i loved my music classes...i just thought it was "cool" and "safe" to be the goth engineering chick. yuck. i really screwed myself there. before university, my favorite subects were music, government, and foreign languages (and i was really good at foreign languages...i even got an award for being so good at french!). i loved being on student council, organizing events, and acting as a diplomat. i loved being on team sports! i loved orchestra! BUT i wanted to excel in everything. i wanted to be valedictorian. and i succeeded. then. but if i could change one thing about my life, it would be to go back to my pre-college years and focus on those subjects i loved, to sign up for a drama class, kick AP calculus to the curb, do what i wanted to do without any input from anyone ELSE. i got sucked into other peoples' dreams and forgot about my own. well, time to start living my dreams. step one, FUCK ENGINEERING. step two, figure out what i really love and want..."

burnt toast

2009-01-28T08:53:00.000-07:00

i went to a toastmasters meeting last night. i want to gain experience "schmoozing" so i can become a better networker (it's all a part of "the plan"), so i figured, what the hell. it was...ok. this particular club is full of business folk - mainly project managers and self-employed professionals - which is great, but this is not the crowd i want to spend my free time with after a long day at work. the presentations were based on the members' issues at their jobs, and one guy works for a semiconductor company, so ugh! like i want to go back to that life! the so-called 'table topics' focused on absolutely negative subjects like gas prices, the credit crisis, and...the superbowl? i was assigned to be the "um counter" or something like that, so each time a speaker said 'uh/um/ah/you know/so/and/well/but" (you get it) i had to add to their tally. at the end of the meeting, they asked me to go down the list and literally call everyone out with their "um counts." i felt awful! and then, in front of everyone, they asked what i thought of the meeting. bad mistake. i spoke my mind, which always offends someone. all i said was, "it's more structured than i expected," and people totally flipped out! heads turned around, they approached me after the meeting to find out more about "what i meant." sorry. you asked.

the gist of it is, this club is not what i am looking for. everyone was really nice, but it's not a fit for me. i am going to gain my schmooze skills by simply attending more networking functions, beginning this friday at a 'wine, women and wealth' seminar. sounds good to me!

and on another note, i finally take my LEED AP exam on tuesday. yeah, THIS tuesday. passing this test is also part of "the plan."

ok, back to data entry (from home...i couldn't face the office today or i would have caused damage to my cubicle). yes, today i get to spend my entire day entering data into an excel spreadsheet. and yes, i went to grad school for this gig. and yes, i am supposed to say i am grateful for this job because everyone else is being laid off and i can still pay my bills which allows me to live in an apartment that gives me allergies. i wonder if it's the carpet or the cats that pee on my front door? they touch the mini and they die.

new digs

2009-01-23T06:51:00.000-07:00

and for the record, some of you may actually be wondering how i am getting along in my new town. you already know how the job is going. :) otherwise, phoenix is...interesting. lots of chargers and cadillacs on the road. just lots of cars in general because you have to drive everywhere. but it is pretty once you escape the city. i get to see my sisters nearly every week, which is awesome! i have been spending a lot of time mountain biking and spinning (the gym sitch in this town is a whole other story), since that 24-hour race is in three weeks. argh! i made it up to flagstaff to snowboard a couple weeks ago. there was powpow everywhere! unbelievable. and i've been reading as much as possible. and studying for my LEED AP exam. and working on my feng shui homework to become certified. and thinking about a couple books i want to write.

i have also decided to give toastmasters a shot. my first meeting is next tuesday night. scared out of my mind, but i have a new philosophy: if i feel unprepared, that's the right path for me to take. i'm excited to see where it leads.

ball and chain

2009-01-23T05:27:00.000-07:00

i just booked a trip to france. a friend from there is getting married in saint-cyr-sur-mer on 9/9/9. (love it.) the plan is to spend the first half of the trip in that town, which is nestled amdist cliffs in between marseilles and nice on the mediterranean coast. local temperatures typically range around 80 degrees at that time of the year. not bad. the festivities begin a few days before the wedding ceremony, which means i have the opportunity to hang out in southern france with the locals...and if they're anything like my friend, these locals are going to be FUN. additionally, a number of other people i absolutely love will be flying in for the week and we are renting a villa. i immediately think of 'mama mia' when i think of this wedding! a few days after the wedding, i will jet north to biarritz with a couple others. biarritz is another french coastal town on the atlantic side. it is the french version of 'surf city.' i have already reserved an absolutely darling studio for my time there, so i will no doubt get my much needed alone-time on this trip despite my being there with other people.

so this trip sounds fantastic, eh? i am absolutely blessed to have this opportunity and the means to afford it, yes? tell me about it. and trust me, i am grateful, especially since 1) i need a vacation like nobody's business (i haven't had time off work since may) and 2) people are being laid-off left and right these days (case in point, my mom just got the axe two days ago). so why is it that while planning this trip, and in particular, while booking this trip (even though i got to use miles), i started to have a slight panic attack? hmm. i had to think about this for a while before i could dig up the fundamental issues at hand, such as:

why is it that i spend 40+ hours a week at a job that at present does not gratify me, does not excite me, that actually bores the living daylights out of me? 40+ hours is a lot of time. it's more time than i spend with my family and friends, my hobbies, my workouts, traveling, everything i enjoy...COMBINED. it is literally the focal point of my life. and it's a soul-suck. is that life? is that really what life is about? i find it interesting how people react to this type of statement with responses like, 'oh don't complain. everyone has to work,' or 'that's just the way it is,' or 'most people have it a lot worse than you!' you may be thinking that now. please. my thought is, whoever said that it is 'normal' to spend 40+ hours a week working and actually got everyone to jump on that train can claim victory as telling the greatest lie in history, one that has ultimately placed a jail cell around america (and many other countries for that matter). and still, research has shown that people are totally unproductive with those hours! we work our butts off for the weekend, for the minimal vacation time each year...merely to ATTEMPT to accumulate a little cash in the bank. money. green. moola. and that brings me to the next bullet...
i work at a job with a financial ceiling. most people do. you go into work and are paid based on your time spent sitting at the desk. usually with a monitor smashed against your face. if you're good at sitting in meetings and schmoozing, you'll get paid a little more for your time. life, huh? i think this scenario seems mighty inefficient. and i don't want to throw my salary into cyberspace, but let's just say i now make less money than i made in 2003, BEFORE i received my graduate degree. and i now owe 5x what i owed then in educational loans. i recently read a book called 'harmonic wealth.' the author explains there are three ways to make money: your time, your knowledge, or your product. he says that using your time to make money is absolutely the most ineffecient route to acheive financial wealth. that got me thinking, and i agree with him.

taking the two bullets above into account, the process of deciding to go to france proved difficult for a few reasons. 1) given my limited vacation time and finances, i pondered whether i 'should' spend those resources (and deplete my miles) going to a country that i've already visited before. now get this: this is the ONE trip i get to take this year. would i prefer to pass on the opportunity to celebrate with my friends only to 'be able' (think about that jail cell here) to visit another country that i've never been to before, like china! or ghana! or new zealand! or argentina! so many places to go, so little time...but then i am ABSOLUTELY HONORED to have been invited to this wedding in the first place, and i adore the couple getting married, so no way would i miss it. i want to celebrate their big day with them! but still, it just stinks i have to think about prioritizing vacation time like this. 2) why was i so fixated on the cash issue involved with this trip? and then it clicked, i am just fixated with money in general. why? because i have to be so flippin frugal with it just to throw a little into savings each month. each time i shell out a dime i stress out! what the?! i was on the phone the other night crying to my sister about my electric bill being so high and wondering what i did wrong (in arizona? well, there goes my offset in rent.) and you have no idea how badly the mini payments stress me out. I HATE BEING LIKE THAT!!! money is the biggest (only?) source of stress in my life, and this makes me think i have a big ole fear lurking somewhere in my depths that i really need to deal with. like, now.

so the gist of my (long, sorry) spiel is, i get to go on an amazing vacation (in eight months...frick) and the whole planning of it has brought to light a number of personal issues, in particular, the fact that i am not happy with my present career situation, both the substance and especially the pay, and it is affecting every other aspect of my life. i feel like i have spent a huge portion of my time on earth struggling with this very issue, and i am tired of it. i job-hop (and city-hop, no denying it) like mad, which purportedly is the definition of insanity, correct? (doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, something like that.) makes sense. i do feel like i am going insane to an extent, and it's wearing on me BIG TIME. i much prefer to use my knowledge to support myself financially. hmm. how to go about that? i just need to find that spark within me and start fanning it, then take the plunge. to be continued...

ennui

2008-11-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

i am experiencing major boredom. my job transfer to Phoenix went through, my last day in the office is 12/9, and consequently, nobody wants to give me billable work. or any work, for that matter. so i sit here and study my leed reference guide with great hopes that i will actually take the test before i leave california...and in the meantime charge the hell out of my company's overhead account. pitiful. but i cannot emotionally afford to care at this point.

i did, however, have a great weekend. i drove the mini w/ bike down to los gatos very early saturday morning and rode demo forest with the south bay-ers for the first time in a long time. highland road washed out, but was recently rebuilt. don't think i've accessed those trails for at least two years, and wow, i forgot how fun they are! we rode braille trail. i think i've stepped up my riding this past year because the trail, although fun, seemed very easy and short. that makes me feel good because i have a 24-hour race in february, and i don't want to ride much more than i already do. afterwards i met up with karen, benjamin, carolyn, foster, amalia, julia, sophia, and cyrus for lunch at a pizza joint. super fun! and then i drove home and literally fell onto the sofa and passed out by 9pm. i love those saturday nights when i'm drained...i sleep so well.

so the mini is doing well. despite her tail light being punched in a couple weeks ago, the electrical tape is holding very well (no moisture seepage) and most people don't even notice anything is wrong with the light, so i decided to save my cash and wait for someone to rear-end me. that way insurance will pay for the tail light. either than or i'll wait until the cost of parts goes down to something reasonable. i bought the mini protective film for her headlights, front bumper, and hood...a temporary clear bra, whatever you want to call it, for her roadtrip to AZ. i don't want to risk paint chips so early. she also has a new sunshade. i filled her tank for the first time today. first time i EVER had fun filling up a gas tank...and it was premium!

oh, and i was just driving along the freeway this weekend and looked down at the speedometer and...holy crap...was nearly at 90mph. my jetta would have been coughing up a lung at that point so i didn't notice i was going so fast. the mini is a speed demon!

consolation prize

2008-11-09T08:48:00.001-07:00

prop 8 passed. unreal. i felt so bad that i went out and bought myself a new car. yes, here it is, folks!!! my little turbo chili pepper, a 2009 mini cooper s...

the thing has a radio, windshield wipers, tires with tread, and a gas cap that closes...super fancy! even comes with a hunky car payment financed by BMW, which i actually like (???). my next car will be a beemer, so i think of these payments as "establishing credit." hey, anything helps me deal. notice how pale i am after signing all those signatures on pieces of paper that kept being thrown at me. (i actually had to sign something stating i would not put chains on the car when going into the snow or my warranty would be voided. i have to use cables instead! how unfortunate.) notice also how long my hair is getting...already! (i'm getting it cut even SHORTER on friday. pixie, perhaps?)

so what happened to the jetta, you ask? i traded her in for a measly $1043. but she really was a wreck considering all she's been through over the past ten years. scraped wheels and a dinged-up body. no radio. manual windows. stick shift. side mirror duct-taped onto the body. i noticed something hanging from her underbelly as i drove into the lot, scraping the ground. it really was a sad site, so i should feel fortunate i got anything for her. can you imagine, i bought her right when i moved to cali, right before i started AMD. what a great car, though. she was truly the only stability i had during those ten years. all the moving i did, she moved me. all the traveling i did, she was there when i got back, battery juiced up and all. all my drives to the snow and trailheads, she made that fun happen. hell, she lasted WAY longer than any man in my life! much less maintenance, too. hehe. :)

desperately seeking hobbies

2008-10-25T17:02:00.001-07:00

i walked over to the trader joe's at lake merritt today to grab some fish. i was advised during my "pulse reading" this morning at the farmers market that i need to "build up my blood" with omega-3, so i took heed and went for a walk. along the way, i stumbled upon the prop 8 opponents that have diligently occupied our street corners for the past week, but then i also noticed some different signs out there. wait, could those be...the PRO-ponents? they DO exist! (for non-cali folk, prop 8 is denying same sex couples the right to legally marry.) yes folks, the 'yes' signs and the 'no' signs were all over the place today. horns were honking. people were yelling at each other. the cops showed up. frankly, i was expecting a riot to break out. the energy was ripe for one! but something much more interesting was going on, which was my reaction to those 'yes' signs. usually i am all for other peoples' opinions and free speech and whatnot, as long as you're not hurting anyone or yourself, etc. but those people holding those 'yes' signs really upset me! they didn't piss me off as much as they truly disturbed me. (did i mention that 75% of them were under the age of 18?) these people were OOZING hatred. walking past them, i literally felt the negative vibes pinching me. it was quite frightening. so i ask them: why do you care so much what other people do with their lives? are you that bored? do you feel that allowing others to marry will diminish YOUR marriage or your parents' marriage? and then why do you care so much what other people think? that is giving someone else a lot of power over your life. why go there?

basically, i have renamed this prop the "i am bored and think your life is more interesting than mine so i am going to butt into your business and be a control freak and tell you what you can and cannot do, even if that means taking away your fundamental rights." but i don't think that would fit on one of those little signs, so maybe just "butt out."

en route

2008-10-16T08:41:00.001-07:00

holy cow! the mini is en route. it is at this moment partying on the atlantic with "its brothers amidst buffets while adapting to its sea-legs," something like that. i am getting choked up about my little jetta. i feel like i am cheating on her. can i just keep BOTH cars???

the magical creation box

2008-10-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

i did chop my hair. (see photo.) i love it. i feel like i can breathe and i feel less antsy...i don't want to punch something now. well, except for that coworker who called me "fuzzyhead" today.

i am currently reading one of "those" Abraham books, this one titled 'ask and it is given.' i kind of like it, and am actually buying into a lot of the content. if anything, it's helped me become more intentional and appreciative of what's going on in my life. the authors have 22 processes listed in the book to increase your vibrational energy level, which is apparently the key to attracting what you desire, which can be "anything." cool. one of the processes is called "the magical creation box," which goes like this. let's say you can have ANYTHING (which apparently, you can), and whatever it is that you want, rip a picture of it out of a magazine or write it down on a piece of paper or mentally place the damn thing into this pretty little box that you can go pick up at the local Michael's or Target or wherever. this physical affirmation tells the universe what it is that you want, and as long as you do not resist this thing or person or feeling from entering your life, as long as you expect it to come to you, it will manifest. so here's the question: what would YOU put into your magical creation box? a fast car? a new home? a fresh relationship with a hollywood hottie? a safari vacation? 10 million bucks in your bank account?! better health? new friends? world peace? what do you want? i think that is an especially tough question when you believe you will get all you ask for.

chop chop

2008-10-09T19:59:00.000-07:00

i am getting my hair chopped tomorrow. it's been years! i used to sport the bleached white pixie, which came right before the blue-black betty page do. i think there was bright red and a little purple in the mix as well. stripes? definitely. (saved those for my college graduation, along with the frighteningly high combat boots that still hang out in my closet. total keepers.) i used to have fun with my hair. hairstyles were so spontaneous to me, they flowed with my emotions. the bank account couldn't keep up, so one would occasionally find me in front of the mirror cutting my own hair just to make it choppy. all my bath towels were stained with hair dye. my hairstyle reflected my personality "way back then." now, i sport a ponytail (or more like a bun, or a "ball" of some sort, because i'm too lazy to even pull my massive amounts of hair completely through the hairband). sure, it's convenient, but it's annoying. and boring. and TOTALLY NOT ME. and i shed everywhere. a ponytail. how sixth grade can i get?! and never mind i still look like i'm in the sixth grade. in fact, i am so bothered by this ponytail, i feel like it inhibits me. i want to throw up my arms and run around in circles and scream and hit something!!! ARGH!!!!! so tomorrow, chop chop. i cannot WAIT! i am tempted to get that pixie cut, but we'll see what i feel at the moment...

upchuck

2008-10-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

i just learned that my new mini cooper s (yes, the "s" is mui importante) has been scheduled for production. i feel sick. this leads me investigate my inner self a bit. why do i feel like i want to throw up? (note how profound that question is.) i have wanted a new car for a while. my beloved jetta is starting fall apart, cough up her lung, burn oil and gas like there's no tomorrow (well, there won't be if we keep the republicans in office)...and we've had great adventures over the past nearly TEN years, holy crap! so yeah, a new car seems logical. and i work hard. i think i'm pretty kickass. so i deserve a new car, one i actually want, right? so i dropped the ball and went for the fun-loving enviro-friendly turbo city car. it doesn't take up much space. it doesn't use much gas. it drives like a banshee from hell. all a girl could want in here car. so why do i feel so BAD?!!!

turns out (this all became apparent to me last night while chatting it up with a dear friend about my bare walls) that i hate to spend money. i get a paycheck and it goes into savings, or my 401k, or my pension, or my mutual fund, or my IRA, or stocks...now i'm looking at CDs. and yet today, i am wearing shoes that are literally falling apart at the seams. i still wear clothing i bought when i started work at AMD. no joke! i even look for deals on my bikes, which i play with ALL THE TIME. you'd think i would at least splurge there. (and yeah, that camelback, it's going on eight years old. i did replace the bladder a few month ago, however.) so what's up with my attachment to money? is it the security? is it the fact i like to put money above THINGS? am i saving for something?

and then there is the fact that i have learned i associate bare walls in a home with poverty. this occurred to me last night when it literally flew out of my mouth that my life feels so temporary, like i am a perpetual student! i have realized it's because i don't splurge on nice things for my home. my walls are bare, which is a big one. nothing feels cozy. most of my furniture comes from ikea, a company with a mission to keep people buying crap so they make all their products disposable, i.e. TEMPORARY. no wonder i have such a hard time growing roots!

all this being said, i have decided to splurge on myself a bit. i am going to buy a sweet table lamp, a very yin, cozy table lamp. i am going to purchase one piece of expensive art that makes me feel WONDERFUL and plaster it on my living room wall so i can revel in its majestic size (if nothing else) every time i walk through my front door. i will purchase pottery for all my plants. i will buy a new pair of shoes and a new pair of jeans (to replace my favorite pair which now have holes in the knees that i refuse to throw away...well, they're going in the trash, baby!). and finally, i am going to feel GREAT about purchasing my new car.

so, back to work so i can afford to pay for all this stuff...hmm.

crack she goes!

2008-09-10T21:13:00.000-07:00

going on six? no, the seventh week of 60+ hour workweeks. emotionally, physically, mentally taxing field hours that seem to only dig me deeper into a hole. 12 hours of working on a sidewalk during a 90+ degree day. or possibly a musty, dark basement where you feel like a zombie when you see the light of day at dusk. today i got a break - outside work in the biting wind. (yes, believe it, i felt a "biting" wind in berkeley today. in the summer.) driller jokes always. stepped in dog poo this morning. (how i managed to get BOTH shoes, i'll never know. MAN i hate that smell!) crazies in berkeley yelling at me for closing the sidewalk. (um, to protect them maybe? and i have a friggin permit, people! oh boy, do i have permits like you wouldn't believe!!!) tenants yelling at my crew, calling us "outrageous, immoral and cruel." property management questioning whether my company truly has the environment in mind. (yeah, that one stung. wanna pay off my college loan?!) being asked to grow a third, a fourth limb is the easy task...comes behind convincing our subcontractors to redesign their toolsets. field cars breaking down. equipment not working. working multiple days to accomplish NADA. local thugs following me around the building, telling me how hot a woman in a hardhat is - "take my advice." a woman pulled her pants down and took a pee on the sidewalk yesterday. a hooker got picked up on our corner. fights break out at the donut shop across the street. daily. still haven't seen a gun...wait, that's coming. our inspector nearly got t-boned by a semi on the street two days ago.

funny. i went back to school for this.

CRACK!

i bought a mini cooper s. TURBO. red with black stripes. upgraded sound system. and it's gonna have a bike rack. :) eta november.

hopefully i get to drive it to tempe, right when it comes in...and never leave!

move over phelps

2008-08-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

my team took first at the mtb race on saturday -- 13 8-mile laps in 12 hours. granted, there were only three teams in our division (3-rider coed), but we had two women, whereas the other two teams had two men. yeah, we rule. :) we went by the name "blind date," primarily because two of us had never met before, let alone ridden together. i suspect there will be a second date!

no real injuries that day (a broken collarbone and the usual bloody calves), but there was drama. of course, we were in humbolt county. (excuse me while i inhale.) i finished up a lap and one of the timekeepers yelled at me, "watch for the guy with a stick. he's beating on the bikers!" uh, ok! there was apparently a guy up in the redwoods who assaulted one biker, rammed his stick through the front wheel of another biker, and then whacked a search and rescue guy on the neck, who then grabbed the stick and fought back. yes!!! this crazy bum (puff puff) spent the night in the slammer (more puff puff).

so after the fact, i am still trying to decide if i actually like to race. i need to make that decision quickly because i don't half-ass things, so i either need to go big and start training hard, or just give up on the idea and get some sleep...or more likely, pull some more overtime at work. huh. maybe i should hop on the bike after all.

we start drilling on monday. it goes for three weeks straight, i.e., three weeks of hella early mornings, dealing with homeless people, nosy berkeley passersby, regulators, control freaks, disgruntled drillers, field glitches, dirt, and likely a bit of hazardous waste (the least of my concerns). i am going to be the uber grumpy girl for the upcoming month. and to think this is the project i stuck around for rather than heading off to phoenix right away. i traded in a HOT, sunny summer with my kickass family for cold coastal fog and a hella delayed drilling schedule. hurrah. hurrah. hurraaaaaaaaaah. i might as well cook.

i maintain i will crack within the next month and end up at a mini dealership. now the question is...17 or 18 inch wheels for my turbocharged little wonder?

in the void

2008-08-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

that's where i seem to be right now. that void, that place otherwise known as "the slump" in life. the bottom of the cycle. the trough. i am working a LOT. feels like that is all i have going on in my life at the moment. i am just waiting for the magic to happen. every moment. around every corner. despite my wanting to go with this flow, i am attempting to counteract the void with some new biking adventures. i partook in a techniques training workshop put on by Luna Chix last weekend with 40 other female mountain bikers around the bay. they DO exist! ratchets, bunny hops, ascending, descending, fast cornering, tight cornering...covered it all. i made a few contacts, one of which has talked me into my first endurance mtb race. we're a team of two, riding for 12 hours through humbolt forests. and this is next weekend, so i have made an oath to myself: i will NOT work more than 40 hours this upcoming week, considering my last two fridays have ended with me arriving home from work and literally falling onto the couch, and then barely being able to run a complete lap around the lake the following weekend. (last saturday's workshop was BRUTAL.) i need my energy next weekend.

as for my transfer to phoenix, i told HR i would be ready to move in october. it would be very nice to at least be down there by thanksgiving. we are planning a trial project for me in early october, just to make sure everyone gels. hell, i may not even like that office and call the whole thing off...or at least quit, make the move, and find something else when i get down there. only time will tell. i don't want to have to quit, though. i would like to stay with this company for the long haul. last week was my first year anniversary with them. (are you impressed? AMAZED?! :)

pancake batter

2008-07-28T10:13:00.000-07:00

i have decided that my move to arizona would be for ME. california is played out. as my yoga teacher says when we lie on our mats, jiggle around like you're pancake batter and fill in the cracks -- makes for greater comfort. i've attempted this strategy while in california since 1999 and i cannot fill in the cracks and get comfortable. sure, i take that chance i will not get comfortable in arizona, but it sure ain't happening in california, so in a sense i have nothing to lose. literally. i have NOTHING in california except a rent payment and a job that has officially consumed me. oh, and some baggage i would like to ditch. and besides, in arizona, i will be within driving distance of my sisters and mom, so if the going gets tough, i can just complain to them -- in person, for once. that's a novelty. :)

californication

2008-07-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

i have a new addiction. (yes, i said "new." that means i do have others.) it's a tv show. strange, considering i don't have tv. well, i technically have a tv that likes to take up physical space and stick its tongue out at me, but no cable. yet i do have the internet which can download tv shows. so do i have tv? ok, that's not the point. my POINT is, i am newly addicted to a sweet little show called "californication." it's david duchovny's take two. his limelight without aliens and that redhead. if i were a man, i would want to be his character in this show, hank moody. minus the smoking and the lack of biking. and i'd get my headlight on the porsche fixed. (or maybe, since i AM a girl, i will simplify things and say i'd just go for him.) but this guy is COOL. and he's a romantic at heart. and honest. and sticks up for the people he loves. in fact, i think his character represents action without inhibitions, which is refreshing.

shift happens

2008-07-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

i have nothing particularly interesting to say right now. other than the fact that the apartment below my friend, Lauren, went up for rent. i love her apartment. it's bigger than mine. it has the mandatory hardwood floors and gas range. the location is better. actually sports a yard in the back. this place would even be cheaper (well, $60 per month cheaper), and it includes a 2-car garage. yes, that is like a dream come true! i love a big garage. i can store a lot of bike parts in a garage. so, strangely, this new development has me thinking quite a bit about what i want to do in the upcoming days of my so-called life. do i stay in my current residence, which is still very pleasant (and feng shui'd to the hilt!), and enjoy the life-without-lease? i can pick up and go anytime. or do i forgo that minor freedom factor and go for this new pad? how much do i REALLY like oakland? my neighbors? what about tempe? do i enjoy my job enough to let it chain me down for a while longer? what about my business plan? how badly do i want that beemer?! meaning, i would have a garage to park it in with that move. hmm. again, a garage is critical. :)

i love how life is quirky. (or do i? something else to think about.) these seemingly random-slash-insignificant events just pop up out of nowhere and turn my/your world upside down...or possibly to a slight 13 degree angle, but whatever, it causes a shift. "shift happens." and because of this rental hitting craigslist, i now get to climb into my bathtub and think about what i want to do with this next year rather than the absolutely DELICIOUS (yes, i am using that word) man i saw on the bike trail yesterday. well, maybe i'll split my think time. yeah, my tub will be like my think tank. get it. water. tank. ok, bad.

beliefs - good or bad?

2008-07-12T14:52:00.001-07:00

i woke up this morning to a very strange thought...no idea where it came from. what if people were to suspend all beliefs at each new experience? 1) is that even possible? 2) how would the world be different? i find it an intriguing question. even better, what are beliefs? they develop - that means they can be destroyed, yes?

so, here is my update:

-i've been studying diligently for the LEED AP exam. i have also started to look into feng shui principles more deeply, including the i ching, and i will soon be taking a course and moving that little business along.
-i am tossing around the idea of purchasing a condo. they are RIDICULOUSLY cheap in this area right now. prices have dropped 50% or more. i am debating if that is a good or bad thing. i was pre-approved for a loan, but the housing market is so unstable, i am unsure if now is the time to go big. (thoughts, anyone? anyone?)
-that being said, no word on the transfer to tempe. things are moving slowly, and frankly, i am fully happy with 'what is' right now. i feel like i am finally learning to be content with what i have and not feel the need to constantly go go go, move, plan, be quick with decisions, etc. also, it's crossed my mind that i could move down there and then my family up and relocates - anything is possible. i need to make sure the move is for ME and not anyone else.
-the job is...interesting. these days, i am doing battle with four permit offices.
-my hair is uber long - i made an appointment for next week.
-my biking is going really well. i feel very strong and am looking into joining a race team (mountain and/or road). i am going to a camp early august for advanced mountain biking techniques. the trainer is a two-time olympian. sweet!
-i have finally managed to make yoga a regular practice. that is a big deal for me.
-and i have a date tonight. with a scorpio. and i have no expectations. threw those suckers out the window a while ago.

freestyle

2008-06-16T21:21:00.000-07:00

i have nothing to say, really. but i got this strange urge to regurgitate some thoughts onto my blog, so we'll see what comes of it.

i spent the past three days in seattle: two graduations (one in qwest field), one birthday, one "make up" mother's day, three new condos to check out, an obnoxious family meal, and a wine party in the first eco-condos in seattle. sleeping on floors in a sleeping bag. waking up to burglar alarms at 130am. drinking vino at the tacoma yacht club post michelob ultra at el toro. one day i was driving my cousin's mini cooper; the next day i was in the hummer. in bellevue. i arrive and it's raining; it's sunny and hot when i leave. my mom wanted to go to the beach. my aunt rebaked her fred meyer cookies, and i brought two loaves of fred meyer bread home with me in carry-on luggage. red wine got dumped on me in the plane and stanley steemer carpet stain remover took it out because the maxi pad did not (don't ask). my niece is dating an "l.a. act-OR." i don't go to bed before 1am for four days straight. and my southwest airlines flights got delayed both ways. stranger things have happened...haven't they? well, it's seattle. quirky, but you still love it. :)

frankly, i think this trip gelled just fine with my new mentality: ANYTHING is possible. darn near anything. i didn't even buy coffee on this trip. in seattle?! hmm.

i got promoted at work. i am now an "e-3," or engineer 3. that rocks.

pix and flow

2008-06-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

i survived the bug. absolutley the worst pain EVER. i now feel i have experienced childbirth. three times. in a single 11-hour flight.

just a quick note about pictures. i ended up with 775 of them. no idea how that happened! i must have been bored or something. needless to say, it's going to take a bit of time to get them organized.

in retrospect, i am still processing this trip. i didn't go with the intention of finding myself or doing any sort of soul-searching. i feel like i already knew myself pretty well stepping into the trip. however, spending three weeks alone does some funny things to a person...even me, the "loner." i think i experienced every emotion under the sun while i was over there. thoughts and memories bombarded me and i didn't have a distraction as an escape, so i kept getting pounded! i feel like i came back to the states raw, and a little euphoric. i do know myself a lot better now, amazingly, having my soul ripped open and bared to the world like it was. seriously, that's what it feels like. and these days, i feel so much more relaxed and yet confident! i speak louder, and with more conviction...i even make decisions more quickly. i have a much stronger sense of what it is i want! it's a nice change. the best part is, i feel so much more content with the mundane aspects of my life. i don't feel like i have to be doing something every second of the day, "moving forward" or "progressing." i've realized that sometimes just sitting around and enjoying the moment offers more progression for the soul than any action, and i need to savor, rather than fear, those moments. all that being said, i feel much more at ease with my life, exactly as it is. i have no burning desire to change it at this point in time, but rather wait for life to work its magic and see what manifests. it's exciting to think that way because truly, anything can happen. SO, i am just gonna take a seat and surrender to the flow...like i am still floating around in that warm, turquoise water. :)

buggy

2008-05-25T18:39:00.000-07:00

i got a little bali belly. i have the worst cramps ever, and all on my 39-hour travel day! super bummed. i am scheduled to fly into sfo on may 26 at 7:30pm, but now i hear there is bad weather in taipei, my layover...i hate flying. and the best part: my hotel played 'castaway' the other night, featuring a good ole plane crash. damn it!

needless to say, i am excited to go home. i've had enough. i think i wouldn't be so eager to head home if there were someone here with me, but i'm bored. i need another person to entertain me for an afternoon...at least just TALK to me! but no doubt my eva airlines flight will be exciting, with more kids crawling all over me.

and as for bali, overall, ironically it was the people who drew me to this place, but it is also the people driving me out of this place. tourists are nothing but a walking dollar symbol around here. it is impossible to walk by a balinese person without them trying to sell you a massage or a pedicure or transport...honking their horns at you...yesterday i just wanted to be ignored. no, i don't want to look in your shop! no, my purchase really is not good luck! no, you'd offer me the discount even if i weren't the first customer of the day! ok, can you tell someone is fed up? i just don't feel good...

i'll rehash my trip when i get home. i must keel over now in pain.

isolation

2008-05-23T00:44:00.000-07:00

wow. six days without internet access and i feel like i fell off the planet! after ubud, i landed in remote toya bungkah, located on the shore of lake batur at the bottom of mount batur, an active volcano. my first night, i got a knock on my door at 3:30am. it was my trekking guide, putu. we started out for the summit, just the two of us, in the pitch black. kinda freaky at first! not many tourists stay in toya bungkah, but come in on tours from other parts of the island. however, my starting from town allowed me to sleep in an extra two hours...but then it creamed my pocketbook, just getting to this town. it's hella isolated. so the hike was pretty intense. putu is a crazy hiker. he's fast, and he worked me. i thought i was going to have a heart attack. it was steep and slippery in a lot of areas, but man oh man, it would make for some wicked mountain biking! so we get to the "sunrise view" 1.5 hours later and there is a little makeshift cabin with an old balinese woman in the back...with her cat. she has a fire going, on which she cooks our eggs, fried banana (which goes in our sweet hawaiian-like bread), and kopi (yummy balinese coffee). we got to eat away during the sunrise which was remarkable. a snowboard instructor from austria (a kid, really) and another traveler from toronto joined in the fun. they got chocolate on their bananas. i was so jealous! anyways, after my little tantrum, we made it to the top of the volcano and got to peer into a crater (actually, two of them) that spanned 7 miles. it was unreal. little pockets of steam were shooting out of the sides. i guess that sucker demolished a town in the area twice before the residents wised up and built their new town on a hill. there is also a temple down at the lake. the tale goes that the lava stopped at the foot of the temple. i suppose all those balinese offerings to the gods pay off.

after the hike, i went to the hot springs. what a joke! it's a big pool. i laid out for a while (after paying the equivalent of $10 usd) and promptly left when two meatheads tattooed from head to toe moved their towels near me and wanted to know, "what is up?" uh, no.

the rest of my time in toya bungkah was BORING. there is nothing going on in that town. after my second night, i made a six-mile walk to the town next door, kedisan. totally happening town. not. then i spent some more time with putu. he drove me around on his moped through another town in the area, songan. i don't think many tourists go here, so i was lucky! and what a place it is. if you make it up to the hills (which is quite a hike, even on a moped - i had to jump off a few times so putu could get his bike up), you end up in a remote jungle with crazy views...when it's not foggy. supposedly the ocean was down there. then we drove over to putu's sister's place. these people live in shacks, seriously. BEAUTIFUL area, but shacks. i saw a person's mattress. oh my big g. however, everyone in this area is a farmer. lots of agriculture in songan/kedisan because of the fertile volcanic soil, and i got a big ole avocado as a visiting gift. i just ate it, once the ants crawled off. so good.

upon my pricy escape from toya bungkah, i landed in paradise: amed. GO THERE. i think it's my favorite in bali. still, no internet, and no atms (which proved problematic when i ran out of money - i couldn't pay my driver, but that's a whole other story), but no tourists, either. well, not many. the beaches are empty. fairly small and pebbly, but empty. i laid around for two days at the dancing dragon cottages (a "unique feng shui boutique hotel" with dragon energy!). i was such a sloth, drinking espresso by the pool, sipping coconut water, floating in the turquoise blue water...it was a dream. and the snorkeling is UNREAL there. step off the hotel property, walk into the water and immediately you are in a coral reef, absolutely stunning! no repetition, whatsoever, just color after color after color...and last night, my final night in amed, i ate a killer tuna dinner with a lively group from, get this: oakland. i travel halfway across the world to make new friends in oakland. a very diverse bunch, too. one of the best nights of my life! i got drunk on brem...well, not really drunk. you can't get drunk on balinese liquor. the balinese think you can, but they are so small.

now i am in sanur. my last stop in bali. it's weird here. lots of colorful boats, banners, and "mature" traveler types. the balinese don't even greet you in english here - it's all german or spanish. i was sipping an espresson on the beach just now (totally trying to fit in, no doubt) and a dude asked me to dinner, some english bloke. totally weird! i said no. men are trouble.

three more days and back on the plane, when i really just want to go back to amed. :(

ubud

2008-05-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

i have a rant (of course!) - travellers checks are a biotch to deal with in this country! with the exception of kuta. just don't do it. but if you find yourself someday in desperate need of cashing one out in ubud, go to bii bank. a little bit out of town, but i spent an entire morning finding this place (which gave a pretty decent exchange rate) so i had to make note of it. onwards...

ubud is BORING. yeah, it's beautiful here. but once you've seen monkey forest (which is really cool), the botanical garden (also really cool), walked monkey forest road a billion times, and seen a balinese dance, you're likely over it. the locals have picked up on this, obviously, and as they are always looking to make a buck, everyone offers totally overpriced tours for every sort of personality, OUTSIDE of ubud, of course. in that respect, if you're willing to shell out a few hundred bucks, "ubud" is very entertaining. let's see, you can zipline trees in bedugul for $60, go see dolphins in lovina (along with 20% of the tourist population on the island at any given time - i hear it's turned into quite a joke up there) for $50, whitewater raft a class II/III river for $65 (for a mere two hours...come on! whitewater adventures in yolo county gives you a full two DAYS, AND a rave party in the woods, no doubt, for $99)...the options are endless, but my bank account is not. thus, i opted for the more serene choice of spending Rp 250.000 (~$26 USD) at a spa for 3.5 hours. yes, that is right...i get a massage for 1 hour, a soak in some crazy balinese bath with milk and flowers for 30 minutes, a hair creambath for 1 hour (really needs it at this point), and a facial (my first one ever!) for 1 hour. sweet! massages around here actually go for like ~$8 USD for an hour. if you are a spa junky, bali is the place to come...well, ubud in particular because the market is saturated here (the women all say "massage?" and the men all say "transport?"), but really anywhere in the country.

so yeah, i've had a couple days here of total boredom, just waiting for the day to end. sad, huh? i made it through a book i purchased at a local shop in only three days, called "the friday night knitting club." pretty good, but the ending made me cry. what else? i did laundry yesterday. by hand. that was a production. i've eaten at different restaurants - most are gorgeous, e.g., view of a rainforest or rice paddy, and food is hella cheap here, like $5/meal or so, and the food is SO GOOD...and healthy. i get these killer indonesian health drinks for the equivalent of an american buck. one was made with tumeric, and it rocked my world. i am definitely going to research these suckers when i get back to the states. i am eating a ton of rice, and i never eat rice back home. and i've eaten breakfast every day for nine days! it's a record, and i kinda like it - nice time to sit back, relax, and read some more...and more...and more. (yes, i have actually gotten in quite a bit of studying for my LEED exam.) you actually need to eat in the morning because afternoon is too hot to eat, so you go all day totally full until the evening when it cools down. i've been drinking a ton of tea, too, especially ginger tea. they put real ginger root into the pots. yummeee.............

one more night here and i am off to toya bungkah for three nights, which is on danau (lake) batur, at the bottom of the volcano. i think it will be chilly there, but after my trek up the volcano (before sunrise), there are hot springs. that's what i'm talking about!!!

crazy beautiful

2008-05-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

i am in ubud. holy crap, this place is gorgeous! with the exception of all the older new age hippy foreigners wandering around trying to find "enlightenment," this place is darn near paradise. fyi, this is where the people with money come when they visit bali. high-end restaurants and shops everywhere, and some of the prices are actually comparable to the u.s. still, mostly an outstanding deal for some of the freshest, most delicious food on earth. but it's so hot, i don't eat much.

this morning i went to the monkey forest and took LOTS of pictures. those critters are hilarious. they try to take everything from the tourists, e.g., cameras, food in shiny packages, sunglasses...one got away with a water today. they know the system: steal something, then get lured back with food. and the forest is crawling with monkeys. they hang out right next to you. the forest itself is ridiculous. it's a primary rainforest, and absolutely breathtaking. i was lucky to find a path where no other tourists were venturing...got some time alone in the quiet, got to sit around and just listen to the forest. the monkeys even left me alone.

i later stopped at a restaurant for some tea. i've been doing that a lot lately. they have really good ginger tea around here for like a buck! i sit and people watch, although everyone is starting to look the same - aussies and euros. i hear there is a couple from the u.s. staying at my "hotel," but i haven't come across them yet. still, it could be my first encounter with people from home. weird. i thought this place was crawling with u.s. folk. apparently not. i keep getting mistaken for german (my last name - my invoice at the first hotel was even printed out in german). oh, and the best part is whenever i go into a restaurant and ask for a table, they want to know where my "number 2" is, every time! i'm like, yeah, it's just me. then they're shocked and look like they feel sorry for me and want to make small talk because they think i'm weird or maybe lonely, something. they want to know if i am "married or have boyfriend," and "where is he?" when asked if you're married, you're supposed to say "not yet." that's what they all say around here. i flat out say, "no way jose" (which they don't quite understand), and "men are nothing but trouble." they understand the word trouble and most woman agree with me. still, to put them at ease, i usually end the tension by simply saying, "ok, so not yet." hmm.

i have definitely learned a few things about myself on this trip so far. for one, traveling solo for three weeks is too long...for me. i am CRAVING some good conversation right now, and i am not finding any with other tourists. really, the tourists here (again, aussies and euros) are SO not friendly. they don't even return a smile. i have also learned that i don't so much miss my apartment or bed or clean tap water (i think i've traveled enough to have already learned to appreciate such things), but it's the people i miss. ok, i am not going to get all sappy here, but seriously, i miss my friends and family, i miss the phone ringing, and i actually miss work because i have the coolest coworkers ever! but i am taking this trip for what it is: an experience in another culture.

ok, it's tea time. i think they've put the tea outside on my front porch now. i can go drink some yummy tea and stare at the rice field next door to me. hehe.

no teknik

2008-05-11T03:36:00.001-07:00

ok then! only took 7 minutes to log on there...obviously i'm not totally relaxed. it's a bit difficult to relax in kuta. so many people! granted, i am glad i booked 5 nights in advance here otherwise i would have ditched the place the first day, but sticking around, it was overall a good experience...despite the masses. the beaches are nuts. the streets are out of control. i think people around here are born on a moped, with a hand on the horn, screaming "transport!"

the good stuff. i hired driver to haul me around a few tourist spots the past couple of days. one i hit was bedugul, in north bali. there are twin lakes up there. very small towns with lots of rice paddies, and it is cold despite being only an hour away from scorching hot kuta. really, amazing. i also saw a temple (cannot recall the name) and tanah lot. (can't remember - did i say all this stuff in my last post? i have a journal going as well, so i am getting confused.) usually you can walk out to the temple, but not now - the waters are high since rainy season just ended. yesterday, the driver (james, btw) drove me to nusa dua and uluwatu. first, in nusa dua, we proceeded to located a secret surf spot, sri lanka (per Lastuka's recommendation), since surf in kuta has been totally blown out since i got here. the only option is whitewash. so we finally find this beach, and due to wind, no boats are driving people out! however, the beach, accessible via a windy undeveloped road, was really bizarre. all these naked euros lying around in this oddly secluded, small beach with snow white sands and crystal blue waters. even james had never been there before, and he was born on the island. then we proceeded to uluwatu. holy crap! that place is cool. the cliffs towering over the turquoise blue surf was surreal. i tool lots of pictures. the temple wasn't half bad either. i had to wear a sash. they gave me a yellow one. after uluwatu, james drove me to jimbaran which is just south of kuta and the airport. this place is known for its seafood and 24 restaurants that literally sit on the beach. so get this: i order fresh red snapper plus all these goodies, arak (a balinese "whiskey" equivalent, but sweet), a glass of wine (hey, i'm on holiday!), and water...i get a table on the sand, first row from the water...AND positively the MOST amazing sunset EVER...all for less than $20 USD. that was my big spend this week. not bad. so the sunset. i am sitting there thinking, haha, i'm watching an actual balinese sunset. this is so cool. and the best part: it was totally orange, like a big paintbrush took multiple orange strokes on top of a clear blue canvas. absolutely amazing. again, i took lots of pictures.

as a sidenote, i have learned there are two things i don't like about traveling alone. 1) pictures are a bitch. don't expect many candid shots of me...if any at all. 2) there is nobody to share these moments with. the hardest time is in the evening when you really want someone around to rehash the day with, or just talk to...and there is nobody. that is hard. but otherwise, traveling solo has been very, very easy.

and then there was today. i went to the beach and got my ass toasted by the sun! i am not kidding, and i am so mad. but then, did i really think 15 spf would last me 4 hours in balinese sun and surf? here is me...environmentalist who did her thesis on environmental health and safety, exercise fanatic, health nut, non-smoker, non-alcoholic (i swear!)...then i go and get myself some skin cancer. niiiiiiice. the best part is, it's totally splotchy. nice job applying the sunscreen overall, i'd say. well, if the sun doesn't kill me, the street pollution from all the mopeds around here will. OH, and i almost forgot to tell you about the mosquito bite! yeah, i woke up yesterday morning with my eye swollen shut. and again, i took pictures.

tomorrow i head for ubud. a whole new adventure awaits...

finally...bali

2008-05-08T23:07:00.000-07:00

i'm here! i've already gotten in two full days and have done lots. and fyi, the flight over here is 18 hours. i'd better have some fun. so it's hot. hella hot. like walk two steps and you're sweating like a faucet hot. but the water is cool. yes, i've been to the beach. lots. and i've run on the beach. the waves have been too crazy to surf. my room is nice, but i already had to swap. the first room was super loud with mopeds and dogs barking, all hours, so they moved me. and then the staff is super friendly, but they want tip after tip. i've spent more on tips here so far than on meals...not a joke. but these people are poor. you can't be upset with them for that reason.

alright, chronologically. i get off the plane, go through the slowest customs line in history, get my bag, and head for the hotel. first impression: the drivers here are nuts. cars and mopeds flying every which way, paying no attention to lines in the road, lights, signs...just each other, fortunately. i am actually very sad i left my license at home. i want to rent a moped. good for the adrenaline. so i get to my hotel and i say, i just flew 18 hours to go to the damn beach, so i throw down my crap and head for the damn beach and make sunset. sweet...i watched a sunset in bali. check one. sadly, the beach is super crowded. i'm staying near legian beach, just north of kuta, which is insanely crowded. but still, i was hoping for desolation. oh well. after sunset, i head back to the hotel and crash.

yesterday, i woke up at 6 and ran on the beach. sweet...i ran on the beach in bali. check two. then had a super good breakfast (my goal is to eat breakfast every day i'm here, per Lauren, because i never eat breakfast and supposedly that is a bad habit, so make that check three), started to walk to the beach, and mother bleep, i got snagged by a timeshare vendor. but this guy is super poor, he gets 50 USD for brining me in, and he promised to drive me to kuta afterwards. alrighty...two hours later, i'm in downtown kuta. CRAZY! shops everywhere. concrete. heat. where's the beach already? i get there and it really is insanely crowded. the waves are monstrous, so no surfing yesterday. i try to walk back to legian, but it's hot and taxis are very cheap here, so i grab one for like $1.50. then i head for the beach there and chill out, play in the water, ward off ~50 vendors (one guy tried to sell me a bow and arrow), and find a cool shell. i went back to the hotel and showered, grabbed dinner, then fell asleep. i am still a bit jetlagged, but not too badly.

today i woke up early because i hired a guy to drive me to tanah lot, a temple up the coast. he also took me into the mountains to see another temple and the twin lakes at bedugul...something like that. let me just say for the record, this island is GORGEOUS. i got to play with some monkeys. they were everywhere, sitting along the road in massive groups as you drive up the hills. it was unreal. the driver, james, is super cool. he's been all over the world, and used to work at the bali hyatt where he worked as steven segal's personal assistant for a week. apparently steven's a nice guy. now james is working on starting his transport business. so now i'm getting ready to explore seminyak and grab a meal.

i tried my first indonesian meal last night. very good, and it included fried rice, shrimp crackers, chicken, egg, and sausage. i fed the egg and sausage to this skinny little cat that came into the restaurant. it's amazing how well fed american animals are. i am drinking lots of kopi, or balinese coffee. super good. and lots of water. only three mosquito bites so far. ciao for now...

Taiwan

2008-05-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

i just deboarded my 13-hour flight. what a flippin ordeal that was. i mean come on, for those of you who have followed my travels in the past, do you really think i'd leave you hanging for some first rate chaos?!

before even getting to sfo, i got stranded by super shuttle in emeryville for an hour. it was crazy cold and windy...and dark and scary with drunk people from chevys walking around. and the driver was crazy! i thought he was going to fly off the bay bridge, scrape a siderail, or worse yet, completely miss the exit to sfo. i made it on time. so the flight. yeah. i get on this GIANT thing with wings, and i have seat 38K. K??? was i sitting on the wing? turns out i was sitting on some guy's lap because the seat was already taken. his family had five out of six seats in these two rows, and he decided he like my window seat the best and wouldn't budge. can you believe it?! his wife is like, come sit by me! i get an aisle seat, which was actually preferable because i planned on drinking a lot. water, that is. (and the verdict: no swollen ankles!!!) so this woman is crazier than my super shuttle driver. her kids are crazier, and louder, than her! they're crawling all over me. the family asked me to swap seats multiple times to accommodate the whims of their preferred seating arrangement of the moment. i think they finally got the hint i was ANNOYED and left me alone for the last 4-5 hours of the flight to get some shuteye. thank the big G! frankly, though, the entire economy class was like...just throw me on the cramped Moroccan bus and let the chickens shit on my backpack, all over again! what a circus. but overall, i loved it. everyone was chatting it up. complete strangers were best friends by the end of the flight. super friendly folk...me being one of three caucasians on the flight. and probably the tallest person on the entire plane. i ate asian porridge for breakfast. hella good.

ok, off to my gate. one more flight to bali. ooh, i see coffee up ahead...

ready to rock

2008-05-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

alrighty folks, i'm all set. i leave hella late tomorrow night (1:40am tuesday morning). i have sleeping pills and my mini bucky. i just stocked up on snacks at trader joes. i have sunscreen galore, three swimsuits (brutal to have to bring so many, i know! :), books (great expectations, zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, and my LEED study guide - can't help it), a compass (for feng shui research), my little bag of crystals (including a garnet for safe travels, moonstone to enhance my intuition and emotional stability, and carnelian for courage and alertness), and a cowboy hat (it was either that or my camo shorts, and i don't think the war is something i want to represent in a country the defines balance, so texas it is. hmm...). i am unsure whether i prefer a window (better to sleep) or an aisle (better to pee). i don't know how long the flight is exactly, but it's long and i am not looking forward to it. my ankles usually swell after 2.5 hours because i don't drink enough water. i need to stay hydrated on the flight - ok, so maybe the aisle is best.

it's strange preparing to travel for so long by myself. i feel a little paranoid, for instance, i don't have anyone to back me up, so for one i need to make sure i have enough cash in my checking account, and those of you who know me well understand this is a challenge because i ALWAYS cut myself short. my motto is "pay myself first," which means on payday, cash goes into savings...which ultimately keeps me from spending money on the wrong, i.e., unnecessary, crap, but i really don't want to be caught short in a foreign land. so, it took a little "courage" (thank the big G for the carnelian stone), but i didn't pay myself first this month.

on another note, i "joined the real world," as my mom said, and bought a friend's tv yesterday. it's 27". i don't have cable, and probably won't get it anytime soon, but what the hell...at least people won't make fun of me for owning a 13" tv anymore, which i sold last month. yes, somebody actually bought it...off craigslist, of course. and then the guy asked me out. talk about killing two birds there! and no, i did not accept. he was like 5'6" and we all know how i feel about the height thing...

this morning i took my new bike out for another spin. i am still in love with a big hunk of metal. it was so nice up in the oakland hills. a little chilly and foggy...the trees caught the fog like a big net and condensed it into droplets, so the trail was wet and it felt like it was raining. very peaceful, except for the three very intense guys who saw a girl on their tail and nearly went into cardiac arrest trying to stay in front of me. one failed miserably. the other two i could have taken...if they hadn't stopped! i love it - crushing a biker boy's spirit makes me happy. :)

introducing, my new toy

2008-04-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

i think i'm in love...better metal than men!

more stupid drama

2008-04-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

better bike drama than dealing with those travel meds, i suppose. so call me "14 year old boy," but i am super excited about my new bike!!! although not so excited about the issues involving that fiasco. of course i'll elaborate...

blond moment #1: when i first move to oakland, i go to blockbuster and the gal tells me popcorn is on sale, 2 for 1, something like that. trying to make good with a new neighbor, i agree to the purchase. i get home and realize i don't have a microwave.

blond moment #2: i sell my heckler and buy a new lightweight cross-country bike (07 cannondale). waited a week for it. anxiously, i finally get it out to my car and then realized the front tire isn't quick release - it's a lefty fork. crap! next it's like, double crap! the thing won't even fit my on my bike rack! major, major pain involved with that one, so i take the bike back into the shop. can i exchange it? the guy says ok. i move up a notch in bike (08 cannondale - this one's pretty sweet), and they throw more cash on my card. i cringe. i get a call the next day - the bike won't be in until june. maybe. triple crap! then i decide on a specialized. can't go wrong here - there's one in the shop. but OF COURSE they won't let me take it until the next weekend because they need one in the shop to show other customers (so, yeah, they're letting every tom, dick, and harry and their grandma test ride MY new bike...but they already have my cash and i can't get it back). today was the day i was supposed to get my bike. i spent the day on uc berkeley campus (nano forum for work), which is right next door to the bike shop. i call in and say i'm heading in to grab it! yay! they're like, we're slammed. can you get it tomorrow? huh? no! i want to ride it today! well, ok, i'm a sucker, i'll grab it tomorrow during lunch. so i leave the forum, drive home, and the SECOND i walk into my home i get a call from the shop saying the bike is ready for pickup. what?! quadruple crap!

do i like drama? i seem to create a lot of it for myself.

i win! and i'm broke!

2008-04-24T18:19:00.000-07:00

not so "efficient," but i scored all my meds as of 5pm today and am ready to take on anything indonesia has to throw at me...well, except maybe for dengue fever, japanese encephalitis, avian flu, and pollution! oh wait, there's also rabies and schistosomiasis, which is this larvae thingy that lives in freshwater lakes and penetrates your skin. sweet!

and the official tallies are...

meds:
consultation (mandatory) -- $60
typhoid -- $73.50
hep A -- $79
tetanus -- $45
polio -- $50
malaria -- $36
anti-diarrheal, diarrheal prophylaxis, and antibacterial -- $30
"dr. brown" copay that didn't do me any good except shorten my life by two years, and so what good are these meds after all? -- $25
total = $398.50

hotels (19 nights):
seminyak (5) -- $120
ubud (5) -- $140
toyabungkah (3) -- $48
amed (3) -- $162 (feng shui!)
sanur (3) -- $72
total = $542

that's depressing. and just watch...as trina said, now i'll get a cold!

i hate doctors, part two

2008-04-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

still unable to obtain a malaria Rx. my travel clinic is unable to write one, so i made an appointment with another doctor (unable to accept my insurance, but will to accept a large sum of cash for a consultation) who MAY be able to write me a Rx. i have even gone so far to ask my ob/gyn for a Rx - she'll be calling back today. (her receptionist said the doctor would write me one if i were pregnant. thanks for rubbing in my lack of love life...AGAIN, people!) i have looked online for "black market" pharmacies. i have considered contacting my EX for a Rx. i now have a coworker asking his aussie friends if i can buy the stuff on the island, once i arrive.

let's just face it. i'm heading into a malaria infested country without protection. that's gross.

thanks dr. brown! and by the way, i totally filed a complaint against his unprofessional ass. die berkeley hippies!!!

and the sobering reality of this adventure is i am ultimately spending more money on pills and shots than i am on hotel rooms during this trip.

ok...serenity now. where's my crystal?

i hate doctors

2008-04-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

ok, so this claim is backed up by more than the fact i just finished dating one. (never again.) here goes...

me living in my "efficient" world amidst people with some capacity for intelligence led me to believe i could be "efficient" when it came to scoring my travel meds. so i put off the adventure until the last minute. how difficult can this be? schedule an appointment with the doc, take a little time off work, then throw a copay his way so he can scribble down a Rx for lariam and then direct his nurse to shoot me up with a hep A shot. or so i thought.

i arrive at the office of my "hippy doctor in berkeley" -- bear in mind this doctor actually called me on my cell phone to make sure i was not lost prior to my first visit with him a couple months ago. (should have been my first clue: you think he has a hard time retaining patients and doesn't want them to escape? hmm...this was before he warned me that ALL men cheat.) i show up, do the copay thing, get directed to a room, and then i wait. and wait. and wait. i hear him yelling on the phone outside my door regarding some lawsuit he's involved in. then 45 minutes after my scheduled appointment, the doc proceeds to start his consultation with a patient who got there before me. great. do i get to bill for this shit? me sitting around that office all day means i get to spend all evening at work. uh, no. so i get a little impatient. i ask the nurse if she can just get him to write down that Rx and then take care of the shot (easy!) and i'd be out of their hair. no go. the doc wants to see me. so i wait. an hour after my scheduled appointment, the doctor walks in and tells me he wants to see my lab. i'm like, huh? he said, you never got your lab results done like i asked you to last time, and i'm not prescribing anything until i see them. i tell him what i told him last time -- i got stuck on 100% travel for like a month and couldn't get in, and besides, my work takes care of labs for me every year. my last labs are still good, and he can check them out and see i'm perfectly healthy. now give me a shot, damn it. he argues. i argue back. he throws another lab form at me and says he won't prescribe anything until i get him the labs or fax him my other ones. asshole!!! this is not efficient!!! the next morning i opt to fax over my labs from work and say, here, check these out. i'm good. please send the Rx to longs drugs, and i'm coming in for my shot. he says no.

ok, so the gist of the story is, i go to longs and he ultimately called in an Rx for super-powered diarrhea pills, a diarrhea antibiotic, a general antibiotic, and a typhoid vaccine to apparently appease me. but where's the lariam?! i didn't ask for this other stuff! i call him back and he says, have you gotten a tetanus? what the?! JUST GIVE ME LARIAM AND A HEP A SHOT! I AM RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!! he wants to know why i refuse to get a tetanus. he then says, VERBATIM, "gina, you are very polite and sweet, but you are also the most contentious patient i've had in twenty years. you are lucky i keep you as a patient because most doctors wouldn't fuck with you." WHAT?!!! did my doctor just say that to me? i end up complaining to my co-workers (well, they couldn't help but notice me screaming at a doctor over the phone in my cube and obviously got curious), and they say to go to a travel clinic, one block from the office. one phone call and the gal's like, sure, come on in. we'll get you a hep A shot, a tetanus shot, and hook you up with a Rx for lariam in one fell swoop. are you kidding? she doesn't even want my labs. hallelujah!

now for the funny part of this story. i actually started to think i was the crazy one here. turns out we had a fire drill at work and while we were waiting to head back into the building, i tell a co-worker this story because he asked about my travel meds -- he's done a lot of travel to bali. turns out this co-worker had the same doctor and had to fire him because he had problems with him, too, and highly recommended i report him. i am not crazy! sweet!

hey baby...what's your mantra?

2008-03-18T17:26:00.001-07:00

just curious...anyone out there have a mantra? what is it?

hey stranger!!!

2008-03-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

at least i feel like one. i've said it once, i'll say it again...i SUCK at this blog thing! at least now i have a reason to write more, or at least gear up to write. i am going to bali for three weeks in may. true, life has not ended with my job, although my boss was less than pleased to hear i wanted that much time off. OH. MY. GOD. the world will explode without me being there! quite a compliment. :)

so yeah, bali. strange how this one developed. some of you may recall my time at nanosolar, back in 2003. i was less than a pleasant human being during that stint. i was dating a surfer when i started work there, so i obviously became more interested in the sport like any young, smitten girl who wanted to spend more time with her beau. fortunately, this was an interest that benefitted ME, and i really grew to like it. i purchased a surf magazine here and there so while i was relaxed in my warm living room, i could relive my time spend out in the cold, winter ocean. hmm. one day, i came across a picture of a surfer riding a perfect left break in bali. These breaks are rare in santa cruz, so this picture made me drool. the photograph was in sepia color, i recall, which made the image seem even warmer, cozier. just a feel good picture overall. i tore out this picture and hung it at work on my filing cabinet. at first, i would look at it every now and then, not taking too much time out of my day to dream because i was actually interested in my job. there were fun projects to work on, research to be done. however, as time moved on, the projects became less fulfilling, the management became even more cranky (it's all about "perception," he says!), and i wanted out...but of course, like a good little american worker bee trying to partake in the rat race, desperate for a pay stub, i stayed and TOOK IT. that photograph became my best friend, my escape from work. i would close my eyes and imagine being that surfer. and naturally, i began to look at that photo more and more and more with each passing day. i swore to myself that i would go to bali. ALONE. i wanted to experience that wave with no interference from anyone. COMPLETE SOLITUDE.

and then you know what happened next. that's right...life happened! i didn't make it to bali like i promised myself. i became a bartender and went to grad school. now i work as an environmental consultant, and i've hit that 6+ month period so the gig is not as exciting as it used to be. BUT, i now get to go to bali! for some reason, the trip just presented itself to me, on a platter no less. it was too easy! chips were falling into place left and right. it was if i could not be diverted from purchasing the ticket, like the stars were aligned, like i was being beckoned to this little island in asia. i won't question it. fortunately, my california tax return EXACTLY matched the cost of the plane ticket. ironic? so, in six weeks from today, i will be on a plane, destined to ride that wave i have been staring at for FIVE years. life is hilarious.

not to mention this is the first time i have ever traveled alone outside north america. i am a little nervous, but i feel like this is something i have to do RIGHT NOW. i absolutely feel like this trip has come along at this time because it is going to present challenges to me that i must face before moving onto something else that awaits me in my future. it's like a sort of spiritual preparation for something, where many lessons will be learned...which is a very, very strange feeling.

that being said, i plan to update my blog while i am there. stay tuned, and feel good. :)

HB to me!!!

2008-02-21T10:44:00.000-07:00

how many times have i said i'll get better at this blog thing? hmm...

so, uh...today's my birthday! i'm 32. i feel so much older and sophisticated overnight! not really.

so quick update. (really, i want to get better at this blog thing.) i am working as an environmental engineer. i never ditched the "engineer" title. i think that's a sign or something. i must remain an engineer...but of what? an engineer of productive field days? an engineer of feng shui?! an engineer of happy thoughts! that's what i'll be. so...new job today. well, the job that actually pays the bills is going well. i spent a lot of time in the field. it's fun and satisfying, but hella tiring. i am also getting involved with a few litigation cases which involve big name players. i am so bummed i cannot tell you about them! very exciting. i essentially get to stick it to some dirty corporations. :) what else? i learned to knit. my sister is a master knitter, and she taught me. i've completed one scarf and working on another. after my third, i'm moving onto beanies. i am also exploring green investments these days...trying to walk the talk.

home...for reals

2007-08-12T19:00:00.000-07:00

i never thought i would be able to say this, but i LOVE my job!!! i just finished my first week. i have projects...MEANINGFUL projects...that interest and challenge and satisfy me. i have great coworkers. my hours are not overly demanding. in fact, i am salary up to 40 hours/week, and then i get 1.5x for anything over 40 hours. wow!!! flex time. benefits. fieldwork. a view of san francisco from my desk?!!! my desk/computer was ready for me on the first day. i got a paycheck 4 days into the job. i drive 4 miles to work. speaking of...i also LOVE my new pad!

i now live in an utterly charming one bedroom "cottage" (ALONE) near Lake Merritt in north Oakland. i have dark hardwood floors, a working fireplace (red with cute as hell details), old fashioned BIG windows, a cute patio out front, a gas stove...there's even an old icebox in the kitchen that's been converted to cupboard space. uber cute place, and i have big girl furniture now, including a red suede papasan chair (which i've wanted forever!!!), so it's comfortable and cozy and homey and all mine!!! i leave music playing in the background most of the time, and my crystals in the window provide me with a fantastic display of rainbows (i.e. good chi!) at least once a day. i also have friendly neighbors who like to mingle (just got back from a sunday afternoon champagne feast with them all - made friends with the local alterations lady, painter, judge, and bartender. :) my closest neighbor is the marketer for title 9 who wants to hook me up. no joke. and she has a three-legged 14 year old dog named deliliah who likes to chill on my front porch. when i look out the window i see trees, flowers, and bushes (or delilah)...feels like santa barbara without the freaky people. hurray! i am walking distance to the lake (one block away), a bazillion restaurants (including ethiopian, thai, dim sum, sushi...anything you can think of), a new wine bar (which i checked out with the Fostinos last night), tango/salsa/ballroom lessons, my laundromat, the gym, two florists, at least four coffee shops (one of which is GOTH...omg!), the grand lake theater and parkway theater (where you eat pizza and drink beer while watching cheap movies), mini marts (and yes, they all have ben & jerry's - put in a request last night for b&j's peanut butter cup flavor), and whole foods and trader joes are coming in within the next couple of months. i live in the best neighborhood in the world!!! i even live near some of my grad school peeps, and have incredible access to all freeways that lead directly to san francisco, san jose AND tahoe...kirkwood is only a 3 hour drive, which is icing. the ONLY bad thing - no morning dove lives near me. :(

but overall, my life rules. never thought it would happen. no chaos - i actually feel settled for the first time in my life. my car runs. i am stocked with coffee beans and a new espresso/coffee machine (but then we have peet's coffee at work in the unlikely event i run out of beans at home). i have loads of clean dish sponges under the sink and don't have to worry about roommates leaving behind an empty roll of tp (or shit on the toilet seat). i cleaned my place yesterday and it's still clean! i am back near the bay area bike trails (rode skeggs yesterday with the old crew), gearing up to explore the easy bay and marin trails with some new peeps this week - i posted an ad on craigslist for mtb buddies. i can go on an on...but i'll stop. am i making you sick?!

ok, now a quick recap of how i got to this point, since i am soooooo good at updating my blog. i left santa barbarba june 2 - graduation was june 15, but i left early for too many reasons. my interview was june 10 in berkeley, which is the day my company offered me a job. then i immediately drove north and spent the next two months visiting family and friends in WA and TX. i spent a weekend in austin with the girls, lots of time in seattle, 5 days in colorado (3 spent camping/biking in crested butte...which ROCKED), and then there were various trips to random locations which i don't care to recall. i saw some wicked thunderstorms and became accustomed to running in disgustingly humid weather at 6am...that and biking at 10,700 feet. i experienced wildflowers in boulder and discovered a lush texas. i also got the chance to truly close a painful chapter in my life and move on.

toodling around

2007-06-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

so...i got a job! it's with malcolm pirnie, "fiercely independent" environmental consultants, in Berkeley. i am stoked! (and this is after missing the first phone interview due to a misplaced phone number, my shirt splitting in the back while dressing for the interview, sweaty armpits, and arriving late for the in-person interview due to bay area traffic...totally jinxed and i still got it. unbelievable!) i'll be working as an environmental engineer, saving the world. really, this gig rocks. the company culture is ideal. the actual work is ideal. the compensation is really good. this office even has a "FUN committee"...yes, capital F-U-N...AND they have giant basket of chocolate when you walk in, which includes dark chocolate. priorities, you know? can't wait to get going with my new career! (wow, am i really looking forward to a j-o-b?!) i start mid-August, so will toodle around until then. still trying to figure out what to do with that free ticket. still really interested in visiting Marcy and Zach since i don't know when i'll have another chance to head over. AND Sean's in Italy for the summer, and traveling with him is always an adventure. seems like an ideal time...but i need to decide soon.

at the moment, i am in WA. chilling with the pugs. jazzy now howls like a werewolf. actually just drove in a few hours ago. such a looooooooong drive. ugh. my parents are in the middle of packing up and putting everything in storage. i am really, really homeless. it's a weird feeling. i have no permanent address. i am sleeping amidst boxes. everything in my life is so unsettled now. i spent the past week in the bay area, at the Fostino's. it was fun! they had a graduation party for me, so i got to see everyone.

life is awesome. i was riding fremont older last week and thought back a bit, specifically three years ago which is almost to the day when i left nanosolar. i think about everything that's happened since then. it's a long list: traveled for a couple months in europe/africa, learned to bartend and then actually bartended for real cash (on the beach, no less!), got my graduate degree, worked at the US EPA (my dream), finished a master's thesis that's made a great impact, fell in love and got my heart broken for the first time, reconnected with a number of family members, and raced my mountain bike...AND learned to downhill. i also tried online dating, lived in santa barbara and santa cruz, took an avalanche/snowpack course, and gained a lot of focus. i've become intrigued with feng shui and nearly obsessed with myspace. scary. i've met a ton of new people, somehow managed to grow the relationships with my oldest friends, and SWORN OFF ROOMMATES FOR LIFE.

status

2007-05-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

i can now officially fit everything i own into two jetta carloads. sweet. i sold my piece-of-shit cruiser bike today for $25 (believe it) and my road bike for $75, which i rode it to campus one last time today. very sad...almost wanted to cry! that bike ride has been my favorite thing about being in santa barbara for two years. the orange flowers are out now, the ones you can eat! they come out this time of year. when deciding whether to return to the epa this spring or stick around sb for another quarter, i thought of those orange flowers and the associated bike ride in sunny weather. they lured me to stay, and i had to say goodbye to them today...the $2500+ orange flowers. so, onto the next phase i go. another bike path, another routine, different flowers, and hopefully a better bike. :)

tomorrow i move everything into storage. it shouldn't take long. i then have two assignments to complete for school, then i'm out of here. i should be heading up to the fostino's later next week. in the meantime, i'll be couch-surfing. i'm tired of this lifestyle. no more roommates. no more roaming around. no more cheap furniture. i have a few job interviews coming up. i am excited about ONE of the jobs...the one in reno. i hope it works out.

you know you're over roommates when...

2007-05-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

i walked into the bathroom this morning and found that one of my roommates (yes, the "pot smoker") smeared shit all over the seat and went to work without cleaning it up. and this is only the icing. i am so disgusted by this house. i can't get clean enough, just knowing that gross, dirty person lives here. i am changing my grades to pass/fail so i do not have to complete final assignments which would keep me around an extra week. done. over it.

whirlwind of fun! not really.

2007-05-28T15:22:00.001-07:00

i just got back from scottsdale. pulled in at 1230 am last night after a pretty smooth 7-hour drive. i blazed the empty freeways on two espresso shots and a double-sized sugar free rock star. yum! and then i get home and couldn't fall asleep. at least it was cool. i like hot weather, but az has now hit the "ridculously hot" phase. just being alive in that heat makes you drag. so, my niece graduated from high school last thursday (which is why i went to az). my little brother graduates from high school in two weeks. i graduate in three weeks. see something funny going on here?

i have to be out of my room by friday morning. i just found out a few days ago, so i had to cut my memorial day weekend short. i have been packing all day today. i'm tired. i have assignments still due this week so need tomorrow to work on them, and then i have class all day. thursday, my stuff goes into storage. then i crash on the couch for a week. then i drive to vegas for the weekend. i think. then i drive to reno for a job interview. (yes, reno.) i think. then i drive to the fostino's. pretty sure about this one. (i'm not walking at commencement, peeps.) then i drive to wa to help my parents pack because they just sold their house. at the end of june: homeless, jobless, penniless...possibly friendless after i abuse all my couch-surfing privileges. i hope to use my free plane ticket to travel during july, but at the rate i'm going, i can only plan a few weeks in advance and stay sane. july is too far out.

for the rest of today, i will rest. i am going to watch 'casino royale' and read a great book recommended by my sister, 'the other boleyn girl.' it's good...i can't put it down. maybe i'll also nap...(yawn)

coming together while falling apart

2007-05-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

i have been showing my room all week, trying to rent it so i can be out of here within the next month. it's a weird feeling. moving...again. i should be used to this. and it's funny how life has a way of reminding you how far you've come, for example, one girl who responded to my ad. we had met up in santa cruz while i was bartending only a couple weeks before i moved to santa barbara, and once again, our paths cross as we are about to leave. in a strange way, her wanting to move into my room gave me HOPE during this hectic time because it made me feel like i was at least ahead in some respects, and it was a bittersweet finale to my time in sb. also, everyone who is looking at my room is very young, like early-20s, which is just a reminder that this town really is no place for me...AND i knew two of the girls, while my roommate knew one. another reminder that this town is too small, and it is obviously trying to push me out...for good reasons. and then there is the fact one of my roommates brought loud people in last night at 2am. i am OVER IT!!!! SO OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to make things even more uncomfortable for myself (well, this is in addition to my early morning appointment yesterday with Beverly, aka "my waxer lady"), i have decided to wipe my slate clean with this move by selling all of my furniture (which isn't much)...primarily for three reasons: 1) my moving costs will go down, and i am likely leaving the state, 2) wherever i go next, i want to "settle" and splurge on some nice furniture for once, and 3) i want to eliminate any bad energy being harbored in the furniture from my life - too many memories. thus, i put my dresser and bed onto craigslist (yup, the only two pieces of furniture i own). the dresser sold within 15 minutes. it made me sick to my stomach, which is obviously a sign of attachment to a piece of crap from ikea, or maybe to the "idea" of being settled, which i am obviously not. this morning, i got an email from someone who wants to look at my futon tomorrow. (yikes, where will i sleep?! my clothes are already in a giant suitcase.) next on the list:

my road bike...which really is a piece of crap, but i use it to commute to school 20 miles/day. it is definitely a good training tool, and i plan to upgrade once i get a J-O-B.
my cruiser bike, aka "piece of shit bike." i found it in a dumpster, or at least i inherited it from a friend who found it in a dumpster, and my reluctance in letting it go truly exemplifies the result of ultimate attachment to worthless junk, although i did use the thing for transportation for six months straight when i worked as a bartender, and now use it to get all over downtown sb - because nobody will steal it! Stew had a fit when he learned he needed to transport it from sc to sb on his Hummer. i could on and on with stories about this bike...very sad indeed to see it go.
my pink 9'0 surfboard, my 9'2 surfboard (aka "kwazi), and my 8'0 surfboard, aka "piece of shit surfboard." no need for these guys in CO...or Reno, or wherever i end up. (Reno is a whole other story.) there is a chance i will also sell my 7'8 board, but it is gorgeous, not a single ding, and very versatile. i feel like i should keep at least one board around.
surfboard rack for bike. can at least get $10 from this setup.
my kite...for kiteboarding. it's another piece of crap i own.
one of the most difficult things i am doing is getting rid of a number of favorite books. this is a difficult one. i will likely take them to school in a box and leave them on a table for all to have at it. might as well spread the pleasure those books have given me, yes?

i am going to hang onto my hardtail and full-suspension bikes, my wakeboard, and two snowboards. i already feel lighter. :) oh, and if anyone wants to take my college loan off my hands, have at it. you would REALLY be my favorite person then!

ok, now that i have completely inventoried my belongings in three paragraphs...more later when i figure out what my plans are.

success! i think...

2007-05-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

despite some stress (er...maybe a lot), i pulled off my first baby shower. gorgeous day, outside affair, got to get in some bartending time...no, i didn't serve the pregnant peeps. of course, i had to scour the house for 2.5 hours prior because i live with three guys who don't give a crap what this place looks like. oh well, i'm moving! soon. i love this house, but only if i get it all to myself. not gonna happen.

before the party, i got in a nice bike ride at elings. i am signing up for another race, on my home course. june 2. come watch.

i didn't think about the job hunt today. it was nice.

case of the missing cell

2007-05-10T18:38:00.000-07:00

so...never thought it would happen to me, but i was absented-minded enough this morning after a BAD interview to lose my phone. i set it on top of my car and drove off. i returned to the scene to look for it, and all i found was one of those giant flood capacity rain gutters they have all over LA. nice. i feel good knowing i've spurred a future Superfund site. however, i had the foresight a couple months ago (well, i was bored enough) to store all my contact info on the verizon website. i am usually against that type of activity...you know, don't want the government to have TOO much info...but deep down, maybe i anticipated this day and went ahead with it. so, never fear: i have all your phone numbers!!! haha! too bad for you. now, the craziest thing happened, the type of thing that really makes me think humanity has something going for itself. i was meeting with a group of girls at school during lunch, since we are all planning a baby shower for Maria. they wanted me to send out my cell number since we're hosting at my place, to which i replied with my lost-cell-phone story. Sarah said, "i have a fee phone now with Verizon. i love my old phone so much that i don't want the new one. you can have it." huh?! Sarah is giving me a free phone! what a lovely, silver lining to my massively poopy day...or morning, at least. and THEN, Tammy wanted a Wendys frosty for lunch, but also did NOT want one, so she had the Wendys people split it in half so that technically, she didn't have one...and gave the other half to me so my day would be better!!! girlfriends rule.

so, i woke up at 550am to interview for an environmental consulting gig in woodland hills at 7am (who the hell interviews at that time?! yup, i found em!), with suit...lost my phone...good stuff happened (see above)...then i got stuck at a 5pm poster presentation during the evening at my school, a mingling "event" with industry which i only attended because i am still looking for a job, again with suit. (i hate suits.) i ended up hanging with three old dudes who wanted to chat it up about STRIP CLUBS, at a professional function no less. one of them lives in vegas, e.g., an "environmental disaster." one works for the petroleum association, something like that. one works for a state senator. all three were recruiting at a school of environmental science and management. and then they started to talk crap about the frogs. boo.

the job search sucks thus far...but things are being put into perspective, or maybe i'm just losing patience and am resorting to drastic measures. first, i applied for a job as a tv show host on the travel channel. they wanted someone with an environmental science background to act as a "guide" for a show on eco-tourism around the world. hello...DREAM JOB! the gal even called me back, got me all pumped and i submitted two videos with the help of an amazing full-fledged media crew at Bren...blah blah blah...first thing i've been excited about in months. found out yesterday, totally didn't get it. :( next, i've been applying for environmental consulting gigs because cleaning up hazardous waste gets me really excited for some reason, but EVERY SINGLE COMPANY has lured me in under false pretenses, e.g., location-wise or job-wise. THEN, after they get me to drive 100 miles for an interview, they lay it on me that 1) the job is actually in orange county (gag), or 2) the job is not quite what they described on the phone. people, have you seen the gas prices?!!! (it has hit $4 in my area.) so inconvenient and unthoughtful...gee whiz. at this point, i am seriously considering packing up my car...whatever doesn't fit, sell it...and heading for Colo...and whenever i see a bike trail along the way, ride it. apply for jobs once i get there because i would have a better chance, but then i'd be so busy on my bike, not sure if this plan would work. can anyone out there think of a crazier plan?!!!

also, anyone out there have a job they want to give me?! preferably one that will allow me to pursue creative environmental problem-solving, either related to hazardous waste or air quality, in an office with windows (overlooking either the beach or mountains), with some field work and international travel. friendly, competent personnel and good benefits, especially flexible hours, a plus. i also seek six figures, a hot boy (brains not necessary), and dog with the deal. and a new bike.

post grad action plan...sorta

2007-05-06T12:25:00.000-07:00

hi all, welcome to my blog!

so...what's going on with me NOW?! well, i recently completed my master's thesis on current environmental health and safety practices in the nanotechnology workplace. (the reports can be found at http://icon.rice.edu/projects.cfm?doc_id=4388). that being done, i graduate on june 15. time flies! and then what? i should be used to this transition stuff, but it's always scary. i have been interviewing, but no job has interested me. i mean, come on...all i want is something that will let me save the world! i am trying my hardest not to repeat the same mistake i did after undergrad - jump into the first offer without concern for a fit with my interests. i also want to relocate to denver (just cuz), and i want to travel before moving into a long-term job (i have a free flight to europe or latin america, so that's a no brainer). i am itching for adventure big time, and i have no responsibility right now - no man, no kids, no mortgage, few bills, minimal commitments, lots of time. i feel like life has set me up perfectly do to something wild and out of the ordinary! the catch: no $$$. i have some ideas, but i am waiting to hear on a few things before i can commit to a plan.

overall, i have few distractions in my life right now. school is VERY chill since i am only taking 10 credits. i also work 10 hours a week at a career center - easy stuff, so i get to think a lot (which isn't always a good thing). i am getting outside a lot, on my mountain bike mainly. i raced the sea otter classic up in monterey a few weeks ago and did really well! i am racing again on june 2 in santa barbara. it's my home course, so i want to rock it. interestingly, i feel like my only home is on the bike. that sound weird? it is the ONLY place where i feel truly comfortable, and it teaches me good lessons, like training me to keep my eyes on the destination rather than immediate obstacles. it has made me stronger, mentally and physically. otherwise, i am spending a lot of time by myself these days. by choice. i usually feel like i want to climb into a hole and do my own thing. hanging out with most people in santa barbara is work! my age is out of place, my interests don't gel with others, i'm SINGLE (which makes me "weird"), and i am tired of being flaked on...so many "we should do this" statements that never come to fruition. i am also changing a lot these days, and most santa barbara folk don't like change...AND i don't hit the bars often enough to be considered "fun." bummer for me.

ok, so the lastest enviro news: the united nations reported on friday that we can "stop" global warming at the cost of a "reasonable" 0.12% of the globe's annual GDP, i.e., trillions of dollars. all we need to do is decrease emissions by 50-85% by 2050 to maintain a temperature rise of 3.6F. sure...